Admittedly I haven't wanted to write lately. I have felt discouraged about something in my life. Just yesterday I thought, more than once, I really wish that I had never started writing a blog in the first place. You see, I feel a responsibility to this blog for several reasons, but whenever I am experiencing feelings of discouragement, I'd just as soon not write about much of anything. I truly love to write, but I seldom feel that any words of wisdom should come from me. In fact, I've never wanted to approach this blog as someone who has any advantage over anyone else; I simply want to share what I am learning. But, herein lies my quandary: when I am struggling to figure things out--really struggling--I don't believe my words can encourage anyone else. Having said that, I am writing yet another blog out of a personal commitment to write that I made some time ago.
You see, life may have a way of chewing you up and spitting you out, but nothing and no one can cause you to totally forsake your commitments. You have control over that! And sometimes, in the middle of keeping our commitments, we are personally impacted or touched in a way that really means something to us.
I can identify a few areas where this has happened in my own life. In March, I made a commitment to become physically healthy. I began exercising regularly and I began changing some of my eating habits. After two and a half months I saw no results. I struggled with feelings of discouragement. I was running 2-4 miles, five to six times a week. I was really trying! Yet, I had not lost one pound or one pant size. I could have given up! However, nothing more than my personal commitment to myself pushed me to keep trying. Not long after this, I received some wonderful words of advice from a close friend (who also happens to be a personal trainer) and things began to change. I approached exercise with some variety and began to see results. Since June I have lost almost 30 pounds and I am feeling stronger and more healthy than ever before! I remain personally committed to my physical health!
I am home schooling my sons this year for several reasons. I home schooled my older son for his first grade year, last year. Reading is a struggle for him. The evaluation he had at the end of the year proved that he was behind where he should be. Once again I felt discouraged. I truly believed while entering this new school year that home school was the best decision for our family. However, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I didn't have the ability to help Jaden improve his reading. Some days nothing more than a commitment to do this has kept me going. I can't say that I thoroughly love every moment of home schooling my boys; it's very busy and I also have to occupy my daughters and maintain my home. But, little changes are taking place. Jaden voluntarily picked a much more difficult chapter book to read recently (while I was ready to re-read an easier one). I have to help him still quite a bit, but he's enjoying the book. We read several pages today and he was more than okay with it; he wasn't begging to stop. He has also taken the initiative to type stories on the computer, as well as deciding to type out all of his memory scriptures for church. I'm not entirely sure that his reading has improved, but I do believe he is enjoying it more and is much more willing to approach it. Might just be my opinion, but I think that enjoying to read is the start of becoming a great reader!
Today, while keeping my commitment to home school, I was personally touched by what I was reading. I was reading a book to my sons about the life story of Hudson Taylor, an English man who became a Christian missionary to China. We're not too far into the book but it has been interesting and an enlightening look at life in 19th century England.
Now, to understand why today's chapter meant so much to me, I'll need to confide some of my personal struggle. I've been feeling discouraged about our finances. We are a single income family by design, but it means a great deal of sacrifice, and often....frustration. One thing my husband and I have always been committed to is our decision to give. We have tithed faithfully to our local church throughout our entire marriage, even during the few occasions when my husband experienced lay-offs with his job. In addition, we've regularly given charitably above and beyond our tithe and we bless others financially whenever we can. We have committed to this and we will never stop. However, sometimes our financial situation is a struggle--a frustration--and seems unlikely to improve. Yet, we remain committed to bless as we have been blessed!
So today, as I struggled with some feelings of discouragement about this, we read a chapter that I think may have been written just for me! In this chapter, Hudson Taylor's experience was in learning to trust God to be his provider despite contrary circumstances. He worked for a Dr. Hardey, who was a good employer, but who often forgot to pay Hudson his wages on time. Hudson felt that God was trying to teach him to trust in Him to be his source, therefore he decided not to remind his employer that his wages were due...or overdue. Instead, he trusted God. During this time, he had an opportunity to visit a poor family and pray for a dying mother of 6. While he was praying for this woman, he felt impressed to give the family his very last coin, meaning he would surely have nothing to pay his rent. He struggled with this, but he gave the family his money. (I felt that I could relate as there have been several times when Ron and I have blessed others who were struggling while we ourselves were struggling to make ends meet.) As Hudson walked this out in faith, he began to see God provide in miraculous and unexpected ways!
I choked up as I read this chapter aloud to my boys, realizing that it was God's encouragement to me. You see, Ron and I are steadfast in our commitment to prioritize our finances. I wish I could write how everything has begun to turn around and head in a new direction for us. I cannot write that at this time. However, one thing I know is that God has always taken care of us and He always will! I feel better remaining committed to this and trusting God to provide for us than in trying to trust sheerly in our own ability to provide. We're not God and we don't know His ways! But, just as God encouraged a young man in the 19th century to trust Him to provide all he needed, we will continue to trust that our God can supply all of our needs in the 21st century!
What I can sum up from all of this is how important I feel it is to stay committed to our vows. Whether it is our physical health, our children's education, our marriage, our finances, or developing a hobby or skill, there is something valuable that happens when we keep our commitments. I wish I could say that I've always been committed and that I've never given up. This is not so! In fact, the desire to give up is sometimes present even when I want to be a faithful person. But, I'm getting stronger every day. So, I'm publishing this blog without any confirmation that it will encourage or help a single person who reads it. Regardless, it is my personal commitment and I'm keeping it.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
One Tiny Victory
I had one of those personal success stories today, a tiny victory. You know, when you actually put something into practice that you've reminded yourself of more times than you can count? We had finished the bulk of our homeschool work and I desperately needed to get to the grocery store for some essentials. My husband is out of town, so there haven't been any evenings when I could sneak out and grocery shop alone. I told the kids to go to the bathroom, and put on their shoes and jackets; we had four errands on the agenda. The boys said they were ready and headed out the back door (for just a quick minute) while I was putting on Tessa's shoes. Once I was ready to leave, they both came running in saying they needed to go to the bathroom and change out of their backyard shoes. Okay, thanks for listening the first time, is what I thought.
We quickly took care of our first three errands, and were on the way to the grocery store--not the most fun place in the world to take four kids, but we would survive. As we turned down the street towards the grocery store it occurred to me that I had probably left my grocery list and my hefty envelope of coupons at home. I reached down in my purse to double check, and sure enough, no list or coupons! I was slightly irritated. The first thought that entered my mind was: Well boys, if you would have cooperated and did what I asked you to do instead of running outside, I wouldn't have been thrown off my game and I would've remembered my envelope on the counter! Yep, I admit it! That was the first thought that entered my mind as the irritation of forgetting something necessary swept over me. We were already running errands too close to the lunchtime hour and I wondered how long my 2 year old would be agreeable. I felt irritated that I had to turn around and return home before we shopped.
I'm sure by now you're wondering what personal success I experienced in all this. Well, although the first thought that entered my mind was a negative one--blaming my children--I did not speak this thought out loud. In fact, in keeping my mouth shut, I quickly came to my senses.
Was forgetting my grocery list and coupons my children's fault? Absolutely not! Have I ever blamed my children, in my own mind or out loud, for something that was not their fault? Yep! I am willing to admit that I have, although I am not proud of this. More times than not, I've had to apologize to my children and explain that "Mommy was just feeling frustrated." Is that fair or okay? No! But, I am human and I struggle with my emotions from time to time. Okay, maybe "from time to time" is generous, but that's not the point! I sometimes struggle with wanting to place blame or point a finger--even if it's pointed at me. I'm especially guilty of this when something inconvenient or frustrating catches me off guard. Again, I'm not proud of this; it's an area of struggle for me.
On this particular day, I started my morning with a devotion that reminded me of times like these. No matter how big or small, when something happens that is frustrating or upsetting, our reaction is what really matters. It can be unfruitful, at times, to ask Why?. Moreover, it often does no good to voice frustrations that cannot be helped. In my case today, it would have been upsetting, hurtful, and possibly harmful to give voice to my irrational accusations in the heat of the moment. My children would have felt guilty and responsible for something that was never their responsibility--no matter how they behaved before we left the house. (Not to mention, I certainly would not have been modeling any helpful coping skills for them.)
I was not thrilled to have to run errands with four children so close to the lunchtime hour. I knew that I still had to hurry home, unload groceries, prepare lunch, and finish homeschooling my boys. However, I am thankful we had a morning like that. I'm glad that I forgot my list and my coupons. I'm glad because it gave me the opportunity to experience one tiny victory: I kept my mouth shut! Maybe you can relate. Maybe keeping your mouth shut is a tiny but significant victory for you--as it is for me! Or maybe that isn't you at all. Whatever your personal struggle, no matter how big or small, victory feels great! Sometimes that's all we mama's need....one tiny victory!
We quickly took care of our first three errands, and were on the way to the grocery store--not the most fun place in the world to take four kids, but we would survive. As we turned down the street towards the grocery store it occurred to me that I had probably left my grocery list and my hefty envelope of coupons at home. I reached down in my purse to double check, and sure enough, no list or coupons! I was slightly irritated. The first thought that entered my mind was: Well boys, if you would have cooperated and did what I asked you to do instead of running outside, I wouldn't have been thrown off my game and I would've remembered my envelope on the counter! Yep, I admit it! That was the first thought that entered my mind as the irritation of forgetting something necessary swept over me. We were already running errands too close to the lunchtime hour and I wondered how long my 2 year old would be agreeable. I felt irritated that I had to turn around and return home before we shopped.
I'm sure by now you're wondering what personal success I experienced in all this. Well, although the first thought that entered my mind was a negative one--blaming my children--I did not speak this thought out loud. In fact, in keeping my mouth shut, I quickly came to my senses.
Was forgetting my grocery list and coupons my children's fault? Absolutely not! Have I ever blamed my children, in my own mind or out loud, for something that was not their fault? Yep! I am willing to admit that I have, although I am not proud of this. More times than not, I've had to apologize to my children and explain that "Mommy was just feeling frustrated." Is that fair or okay? No! But, I am human and I struggle with my emotions from time to time. Okay, maybe "from time to time" is generous, but that's not the point! I sometimes struggle with wanting to place blame or point a finger--even if it's pointed at me. I'm especially guilty of this when something inconvenient or frustrating catches me off guard. Again, I'm not proud of this; it's an area of struggle for me.
On this particular day, I started my morning with a devotion that reminded me of times like these. No matter how big or small, when something happens that is frustrating or upsetting, our reaction is what really matters. It can be unfruitful, at times, to ask Why?. Moreover, it often does no good to voice frustrations that cannot be helped. In my case today, it would have been upsetting, hurtful, and possibly harmful to give voice to my irrational accusations in the heat of the moment. My children would have felt guilty and responsible for something that was never their responsibility--no matter how they behaved before we left the house. (Not to mention, I certainly would not have been modeling any helpful coping skills for them.)
I was not thrilled to have to run errands with four children so close to the lunchtime hour. I knew that I still had to hurry home, unload groceries, prepare lunch, and finish homeschooling my boys. However, I am thankful we had a morning like that. I'm glad that I forgot my list and my coupons. I'm glad because it gave me the opportunity to experience one tiny victory: I kept my mouth shut! Maybe you can relate. Maybe keeping your mouth shut is a tiny but significant victory for you--as it is for me! Or maybe that isn't you at all. Whatever your personal struggle, no matter how big or small, victory feels great! Sometimes that's all we mama's need....one tiny victory!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Muddy Madness
Ever have a day when you feel like you've taught your kids nothing judging by the way they behave? Is it humorous that I'm even asking you that question--because you find yourself feeling that way more often than you'd care to admit? I was there this morning! Truthfully, I'm there more often than I want to admit. So, at the risk of being considered an unfit mother, here goes my story!
Breakfast finished; girls upstairs to get some dolls; boys outside to play. Probably not even 10 minutes later I head outside with my girls to push them on the swings. On our way out I notice that the water hose is dripping. I remind Luke not to turn it on without permission, to which he cheerfully replies, "Okay mom, I won't!" (Good response, I think.) Then as we head to the swing set, I look at my chaise lounge and notice that there are huge clumps of wet mud splattered all over it...ALL over it! I am not happy! I look at Jaden who smirks and quietly points to Luke. Luke quickly explains, "That was a squirrel's mess! A squirrel did that!" Yeah, nice try! Then I look at Jaden again and command, "You'd better start talking now and tell me the story." Jaden continues smirking and says, "Luke did it." (Obviously!) Then I notice there are also clumps of mud splattered all over one of the swings. I send the boys inside!
Now, I will not bore you with the details of their discipline, but I assure you that they were disciplined! After their time of discipline was finished, I talked to both of them. I talked to Luke first and he was well aware that he had acted wrongfully. When I began to talk with Jaden I had every intention of reminding him that he was wrong because he didn't tell Luke to stop what he was doing and because he didn't come tell me. So, I asked him "Now you do know why you were wrong, don't you?" He replied, "Yes." So I asked him, for the purpose of discussion, "Why were you wrong?" His answer shocked me! "Because I told him to do it." Give me a stinkin break! Are you kidding me? My 8 year old told his brother to do such a thing? These were my thoughts, though they may have been just a bit more colorful in my mind... Now, insert the I have no idea if I've taught my children anything at all feelings. Oh, and add to those the common mommy-comparison thoughts and feelings. (Oh yes, guilty of those too!) I'm sure so-and-so's kids would never ever do something like this. Maybe some of you think I'm overreacting and that's fine. I also imagine that poor, childish behavior--such as my boys' this morning--is more common than most of us mothers like to admit to each other!
Now, on most given days I can think of a multitude of stories about my children that make me feel so proud of their character. I love sharing those glowing stories. I do not enjoy sharing the stories that reveal how they are still so lacking in judgment, decency (sometimes), and even common sense! Come to think of it, they often remind me of some adults I know! At some point, I will laugh at this situation, but this morning I was not happy and was certainly not laughing! Later in the day, I heard a familiar song--the words seemed so fitting.
Breakfast finished; girls upstairs to get some dolls; boys outside to play. Probably not even 10 minutes later I head outside with my girls to push them on the swings. On our way out I notice that the water hose is dripping. I remind Luke not to turn it on without permission, to which he cheerfully replies, "Okay mom, I won't!" (Good response, I think.) Then as we head to the swing set, I look at my chaise lounge and notice that there are huge clumps of wet mud splattered all over it...ALL over it! I am not happy! I look at Jaden who smirks and quietly points to Luke. Luke quickly explains, "That was a squirrel's mess! A squirrel did that!" Yeah, nice try! Then I look at Jaden again and command, "You'd better start talking now and tell me the story." Jaden continues smirking and says, "Luke did it." (Obviously!) Then I notice there are also clumps of mud splattered all over one of the swings. I send the boys inside!
Now, I will not bore you with the details of their discipline, but I assure you that they were disciplined! After their time of discipline was finished, I talked to both of them. I talked to Luke first and he was well aware that he had acted wrongfully. When I began to talk with Jaden I had every intention of reminding him that he was wrong because he didn't tell Luke to stop what he was doing and because he didn't come tell me. So, I asked him "Now you do know why you were wrong, don't you?" He replied, "Yes." So I asked him, for the purpose of discussion, "Why were you wrong?" His answer shocked me! "Because I told him to do it." Give me a stinkin break! Are you kidding me? My 8 year old told his brother to do such a thing? These were my thoughts, though they may have been just a bit more colorful in my mind... Now, insert the I have no idea if I've taught my children anything at all feelings. Oh, and add to those the common mommy-comparison thoughts and feelings. (Oh yes, guilty of those too!) I'm sure so-and-so's kids would never ever do something like this. Maybe some of you think I'm overreacting and that's fine. I also imagine that poor, childish behavior--such as my boys' this morning--is more common than most of us mothers like to admit to each other!
Now, on most given days I can think of a multitude of stories about my children that make me feel so proud of their character. I love sharing those glowing stories. I do not enjoy sharing the stories that reveal how they are still so lacking in judgment, decency (sometimes), and even common sense! Come to think of it, they often remind me of some adults I know! At some point, I will laugh at this situation, but this morning I was not happy and was certainly not laughing! Later in the day, I heard a familiar song--the words seemed so fitting.
So I'll learn to love these days
Life along the way
In the middle of the crazy
God your love is so amazing
Through the ups and downs
You're the only hope I've found
Lord you meet me in the madness
I'll learn to love these days
And that is the truth of it, isn't it? God is still so amazing and His love is unending! Even in the mess and madness of my days, He loves me and He loves my kids. Even when I question the ultimate success of my mothering (which by the way, I'm not supposed to judge...let alone judge by my children's behaviors), He's patient, gentle, and loving with me. So..."I'll learn to love these days!"
*lyrics by Mandisa
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Please Pass the Grace!
Oh the irony of it! I headed for the back door to tell my boys that they could stay outside and play for the afternoon, instead of coming in for a rest, because they were playing so nicely. As I opened the back door I saw my 8 year old, adorned with a grumpy face, holding his shoulder and claiming that Luke hurt him. "He kicked me! He did it on purpose!" Luke, dragging his feet behind Jaden replied, "No I didn't." I began to ask Luke what happened and if it was an accident. Jaden interrupted me and fussed, "He did do it on purpose!" not even giving Luke a chance to explain. "Okay!" "In the house and up to your room for naps; if you can't play nicely or extend any grace to one another, you don't get to stay up!" And that was that.
After everyone had washed their hands and was in bed, I laughed a bit. Just a bit. Ten minutes earlier we were all outside and it was delightful! My girls were running through the yard, jumping on the swing, jumping off, and running to the other end of the yard giggling away. My boys had been working in their construction site (a.k.a. large sandbox turned into large dirt box complete with a boy-made 2.5 ft quarry in it). They were so cute working together. At one point Jaden said to Luke, "Luke you are such a great pal for helping me out!" My mama's heart was full and smiling. Ahh, but this smile doesn't always last...for kids will be kids.
I still don't know if Luke kicked or hit Jaden on purpose; or if it was a careless accident; or if it was on purpose--but instigated. I probably will never know because frankly I don't feel like digging it back up after they nap (or lie awake on their beds for the 45 min. that I require of them). I can't always get to the bottom of every squabble or tiff. Moreover, I don't always have the best answer or strategy when these situations arise. I don't always know what to do and I don't often have time to deliberate. And it's likely that I react wrongly or inappropriately from time to time. But, there is grace! I am given grace from God because He surely knows that parenting is tough work. This isn't my second go at having an 8 year old and a 5 year old boy. They didn't come with complete play by play instructions. I am learning as I go. So are you! So, thankfully we have a God who offers us His grace over and over and over.
Not only am I thankful for that grace, but I choose to offer it to my children daily. Yes, there will still be consequences, direct and implied, but I will offer grace. They are imperfect children just as I am a very imperfect mom living in an imperfect world. That's the imperfect beauty of it. So, today there won't be any rehashing of what went down in the backyard. There will just be grace. There will be a second, third, and fourth chance to try and work out disagreements. Surely, they will fail again. But just as surely, they will learn and succeed at working out their problems with one another. Just as I receive God's grace...just as they receive my grace...eventually they will extend grace to one another. They will.
After everyone had washed their hands and was in bed, I laughed a bit. Just a bit. Ten minutes earlier we were all outside and it was delightful! My girls were running through the yard, jumping on the swing, jumping off, and running to the other end of the yard giggling away. My boys had been working in their construction site (a.k.a. large sandbox turned into large dirt box complete with a boy-made 2.5 ft quarry in it). They were so cute working together. At one point Jaden said to Luke, "Luke you are such a great pal for helping me out!" My mama's heart was full and smiling. Ahh, but this smile doesn't always last...for kids will be kids.
I still don't know if Luke kicked or hit Jaden on purpose; or if it was a careless accident; or if it was on purpose--but instigated. I probably will never know because frankly I don't feel like digging it back up after they nap (or lie awake on their beds for the 45 min. that I require of them). I can't always get to the bottom of every squabble or tiff. Moreover, I don't always have the best answer or strategy when these situations arise. I don't always know what to do and I don't often have time to deliberate. And it's likely that I react wrongly or inappropriately from time to time. But, there is grace! I am given grace from God because He surely knows that parenting is tough work. This isn't my second go at having an 8 year old and a 5 year old boy. They didn't come with complete play by play instructions. I am learning as I go. So are you! So, thankfully we have a God who offers us His grace over and over and over.
Not only am I thankful for that grace, but I choose to offer it to my children daily. Yes, there will still be consequences, direct and implied, but I will offer grace. They are imperfect children just as I am a very imperfect mom living in an imperfect world. That's the imperfect beauty of it. So, today there won't be any rehashing of what went down in the backyard. There will just be grace. There will be a second, third, and fourth chance to try and work out disagreements. Surely, they will fail again. But just as surely, they will learn and succeed at working out their problems with one another. Just as I receive God's grace...just as they receive my grace...eventually they will extend grace to one another. They will.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Memory Lane...With a Twist
Today has been one of those glorious days that we moms get to experience with our children every once in a while. Not often enough, in my opinion. So many days are full of chores, errands, discipline, or even sheer monotony that it becomes difficult to remember how truly blessed we are. Just last evening I was telling my husband that the dinnertime hour is my least favorite time of the day. Even declaring that makes me sad because I have such fond dinnertime memories from my childhood. Good food, laughter, stories...being together! But, with 4 children still so young (and most of them still picky-eaters) we are not at the wonderful, relaxed, dinnertime hour...just yet! Even while I am busy preparing delicious and healthy meals, I know without a doubt, that someone will complain, whine, or ask if they have to eat what I've made. Then, we enter the actual sit-down-to-dinner-together meal and the work of being parents is in full-force. Manners, messes, arguments over vegetables, a whining toddler who won't eat and instead tries to throw her plate (good thing this mommy has mad-reflexes!) and the list goes on. Not to mention the cleanup in the kitchen, the dining room, and under the table following dinner! Okay, you get the point! Not my favorite hour--though I hold high hopes for the future! So that's how parenting is so often--diligent, tough work--but now and then you have glorious times!
Back to my original thought! This morning was one such time. We headed to one of our favorite parks right away after breakfast and brushing teeth. My oldest son, now 8, has become such a helper, so he headed to the garage to get the blue stroller (not the small purple umbrella one) and opened the van doors for the other kids. I envisioned playing, walks, stopping for a snack, a coffee for me on the way--a good time! As Jaden pushed the stroller to the side of the van where I was getting my little one out, I realized he did not get the blue stroller with the storage space for my backpack and drinks. He got the umbrella stroller. No room for drinks, sunscreen, snacks, or diapers! And I had pants with no pockets! The backpack has a broken strap! I then realized we would have a much shorter visit at the park, right? No, that's not what happened at all. We had a long, glorious morning at the park!
The weather was cooler than it's been and the mosquitoes were not out. No one was at the playground for our first playtime. We had the equipment and space to ourselves. My 4 year old, who has a tendency to become quite whiny, did absolutely no whining! Really! None! We decided to head off for our usual walk down the boardwalk bridge to the creek where the kids love to throw rocks, leaves, and sticks through the slats of the covered bridge. Usually the walk ends there and we head back the way we came. But today everyone, including my inclined-to-whine-Ella, was happy to take an even longer walk. We strolled and took our time--it was so nice and leisurely! It was glorious! We all enjoyed each other's company as well as nature's beauty.
It got even better for me. We headed to the lovely garden beside the historic manor house we've visited before. I began to tell the kids (although maybe we've told them before) that this was the very place Mommy and Daddy came to have our pictures taken when we were married. They've seen our wedding pictures. And I'm pretty sure they've walked through that garden before. But suddenly, such a wave of emotion came over me! Amazement. Thankfulness. Awe. I was walking down my own memory lane...with a twist. An amazing, beautiful twist! As I pointed to one of the gazebos where Ron and I had posed for a picture, I thought about some of the dreams, hopes, and visions that were inside both of us on that beautiful day. And here I was, back at that same magical place, with four of those dreams right by my side. Awestruck! Completely overwhelmed with the glorious, miraculous magic of how our lives unfold.
I'll tell you what: if God never does one more thing for me in this life, I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness for that which He's already done. I realize that every parent may not have a similar opportunity--to walk with their children in the specific place where their union became real. But, I do believe if we are willing to slow down once in a while; to stroll leisurely; to purpose to take our time enjoying our children, we will have opportunities to be overwhelmed with the realization of the miracle that they are. Further, I believe that all of us can experience such moments of deep and grateful realization, even if we do not have children. Life is so much more precious when we take the time to slow down, enjoy it, and treasure simple moments. The magic for me was in the simple moments of this day. Dinnertime may continue to be a bust for a few years, but I aim to slow down and enjoy more and more the four beautiful gifts God gave me.
Back to my original thought! This morning was one such time. We headed to one of our favorite parks right away after breakfast and brushing teeth. My oldest son, now 8, has become such a helper, so he headed to the garage to get the blue stroller (not the small purple umbrella one) and opened the van doors for the other kids. I envisioned playing, walks, stopping for a snack, a coffee for me on the way--a good time! As Jaden pushed the stroller to the side of the van where I was getting my little one out, I realized he did not get the blue stroller with the storage space for my backpack and drinks. He got the umbrella stroller. No room for drinks, sunscreen, snacks, or diapers! And I had pants with no pockets! The backpack has a broken strap! I then realized we would have a much shorter visit at the park, right? No, that's not what happened at all. We had a long, glorious morning at the park!
The weather was cooler than it's been and the mosquitoes were not out. No one was at the playground for our first playtime. We had the equipment and space to ourselves. My 4 year old, who has a tendency to become quite whiny, did absolutely no whining! Really! None! We decided to head off for our usual walk down the boardwalk bridge to the creek where the kids love to throw rocks, leaves, and sticks through the slats of the covered bridge. Usually the walk ends there and we head back the way we came. But today everyone, including my inclined-to-whine-Ella, was happy to take an even longer walk. We strolled and took our time--it was so nice and leisurely! It was glorious! We all enjoyed each other's company as well as nature's beauty.
It got even better for me. We headed to the lovely garden beside the historic manor house we've visited before. I began to tell the kids (although maybe we've told them before) that this was the very place Mommy and Daddy came to have our pictures taken when we were married. They've seen our wedding pictures. And I'm pretty sure they've walked through that garden before. But suddenly, such a wave of emotion came over me! Amazement. Thankfulness. Awe. I was walking down my own memory lane...with a twist. An amazing, beautiful twist! As I pointed to one of the gazebos where Ron and I had posed for a picture, I thought about some of the dreams, hopes, and visions that were inside both of us on that beautiful day. And here I was, back at that same magical place, with four of those dreams right by my side. Awestruck! Completely overwhelmed with the glorious, miraculous magic of how our lives unfold.
I'll tell you what: if God never does one more thing for me in this life, I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness for that which He's already done. I realize that every parent may not have a similar opportunity--to walk with their children in the specific place where their union became real. But, I do believe if we are willing to slow down once in a while; to stroll leisurely; to purpose to take our time enjoying our children, we will have opportunities to be overwhelmed with the realization of the miracle that they are. Further, I believe that all of us can experience such moments of deep and grateful realization, even if we do not have children. Life is so much more precious when we take the time to slow down, enjoy it, and treasure simple moments. The magic for me was in the simple moments of this day. Dinnertime may continue to be a bust for a few years, but I aim to slow down and enjoy more and more the four beautiful gifts God gave me.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
A Spiritual Time-Out
Earlier I sent my 8 year old to his room to take some time alone and talk to God. His attitude had gone from just okay to downright not nice. He was falling apart over little things and not responding well to anyone. I told him he needed to just take some time and make things right between him and God, and that he could not come out of his room until he had done this. About 15 minutes later, while I was in the shower (door open, mind you!) listening to my daughters slamming their bedroom door over and over and over, I thought, "I wish I had sent myself to my room to talk to God!" If only, right?
Nothing about my day started out great. I woke up to my 2 year old screaming and crying. As I entered her room, I smelled the offense! She has experimented with removing her own diaper recently. This time, something happened soon after for which she was ill-prepared. She was trapped at one side of her bed absolutely terrified at what was laying on the other side! Okay! Bath time bright and early! Laundry to follow.
After breakfast, I agreed to let the kids build a monstrous house out of every cushion, pillow, chair, blanket, and book in the house, accepting that I would use the living room space for my workout this evening instead of this morning. Shortly after this process began is when my son's attitude took a turn for the worse. He's a perfectionist with very big visions; when he can't make the visions a reality, he becomes easily frustrated. Meanwhile, my printer misprinted and ruined at least 4 pretty valuable coupons. I realize this isn't a life or death issue, but when you're a single income family, saving money is key! My online banking website also seemed to be having an off day, but when I finally reached it I realized that a check written weeks ago had not cashed. It was now past due! Beautiful! (Please forgive the sarcasm.) So, I could hope that my insurance company would practice some decency; that after I submitted an online payment, should they receive a check that they contact me before cashing it. But, I don't have that much faith in insurance companies. So, I sat on the phone with a very courteous bank representative who kindly stopped the payment of my check to the small tune of thirty-five dollars! Yippee! Well, at least that's done!
So, fast forward to my epiphany in the shower that I really wish I'd sent myself to my room to talk to God. The reality is, that is exactly what I needed and need to do! At least, in a sense. So, maybe I can't actually remove myself entirely from my young children's presence for 20 minutes to go to my room for a real time-out, but I can take a spiritual time-out whenever I am smart enough to realize I need one. This can be as simple as stopping, breathing, and refocusing on God, "the one in whom our hope should rest in quiet confidence all along." Yes, all the little frustrations of the day are valid. Each one was unexpected and irritating to some degree. But, is it the end of the world? Heck no! An early bath here, some extra laundry there, $35 here.... It is going to be alright! I would have realized that much earlier if I had simply taken a moment to remind myself of the one who holds my world in His hands.
I had enough time and insight to afford my son the opportunity to go remind himself of the one who cares for him. He could have taken two minutes or an hour and it wouldn't have mattered to me! I just wanted him to take a spiritual time-out so that his day would get better and not worse. Not surprisingly, he came downstairs after about 30 minutes and gave me a hug and apologized for his attitude. I knew he had talked to God! I never told him he needed to apologize to me. But, this time of quiet meditation or prayer with His heavenly Father was all he needed to redirect his path. He has been just fine ever since. I will be too. I have taken a few moments to quiet myself and place my cares in my Father's hands. (They're much bigger than mine--He can hold an awful lot!) I know I can't fix every aggravating thing that happens in my life, and I really don't expect God to either. But, I know that if I quietly remind myself, in the middle of life's aggravations, that God cares for me and sees the end as well as the beginning, I can handle just about anything.
*quote by Candy Chand, Gift of Grace
Nothing about my day started out great. I woke up to my 2 year old screaming and crying. As I entered her room, I smelled the offense! She has experimented with removing her own diaper recently. This time, something happened soon after for which she was ill-prepared. She was trapped at one side of her bed absolutely terrified at what was laying on the other side! Okay! Bath time bright and early! Laundry to follow.
After breakfast, I agreed to let the kids build a monstrous house out of every cushion, pillow, chair, blanket, and book in the house, accepting that I would use the living room space for my workout this evening instead of this morning. Shortly after this process began is when my son's attitude took a turn for the worse. He's a perfectionist with very big visions; when he can't make the visions a reality, he becomes easily frustrated. Meanwhile, my printer misprinted and ruined at least 4 pretty valuable coupons. I realize this isn't a life or death issue, but when you're a single income family, saving money is key! My online banking website also seemed to be having an off day, but when I finally reached it I realized that a check written weeks ago had not cashed. It was now past due! Beautiful! (Please forgive the sarcasm.) So, I could hope that my insurance company would practice some decency; that after I submitted an online payment, should they receive a check that they contact me before cashing it. But, I don't have that much faith in insurance companies. So, I sat on the phone with a very courteous bank representative who kindly stopped the payment of my check to the small tune of thirty-five dollars! Yippee! Well, at least that's done!
So, fast forward to my epiphany in the shower that I really wish I'd sent myself to my room to talk to God. The reality is, that is exactly what I needed and need to do! At least, in a sense. So, maybe I can't actually remove myself entirely from my young children's presence for 20 minutes to go to my room for a real time-out, but I can take a spiritual time-out whenever I am smart enough to realize I need one. This can be as simple as stopping, breathing, and refocusing on God, "the one in whom our hope should rest in quiet confidence all along." Yes, all the little frustrations of the day are valid. Each one was unexpected and irritating to some degree. But, is it the end of the world? Heck no! An early bath here, some extra laundry there, $35 here.... It is going to be alright! I would have realized that much earlier if I had simply taken a moment to remind myself of the one who holds my world in His hands.
I had enough time and insight to afford my son the opportunity to go remind himself of the one who cares for him. He could have taken two minutes or an hour and it wouldn't have mattered to me! I just wanted him to take a spiritual time-out so that his day would get better and not worse. Not surprisingly, he came downstairs after about 30 minutes and gave me a hug and apologized for his attitude. I knew he had talked to God! I never told him he needed to apologize to me. But, this time of quiet meditation or prayer with His heavenly Father was all he needed to redirect his path. He has been just fine ever since. I will be too. I have taken a few moments to quiet myself and place my cares in my Father's hands. (They're much bigger than mine--He can hold an awful lot!) I know I can't fix every aggravating thing that happens in my life, and I really don't expect God to either. But, I know that if I quietly remind myself, in the middle of life's aggravations, that God cares for me and sees the end as well as the beginning, I can handle just about anything.
*quote by Candy Chand, Gift of Grace
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