Bearing Our Burdens Daily

Not gonna sugar-coat it:  today has been a rough one.  It has been emotional for me.  In the midst of playing catch-up with laundry, balancing the checkbook, cleaning downstairs, and fighting a scratchy throat with raw apple cider vinegar, I decided to log on to my children's school website and check out their grades.  I have conferences at school tomorrow evening for our school-age children so I wanted to be prepared.  No big surprises with my 2nd grader.  No huge surprises until I saw my 5th grader's Reading grade....ugh!  And my 3rd grader's Reading homework scores...ugh, again!  Let me just say that my first thought was:  these are the same two boys I home schooled....I failed them.  True, that was two school-years ago.  And true, my younger son was on the honor roll last year.  Also true, they may have had reading struggles with or without being home schooled.  Regardless, it was all of five seconds before guilt set in.  And blame.  And ultimately...discouragement.

It is no walk-in-the-park being a mama.  I thought about the tough conversation I'd have to have with both of them later today.  I thought about the very fun teacher conferences tomorrow night (insert a sarcastic tone)!  Then I went to a very bad place of frustration and ultimately comparison.  I didn't stop with reading struggles and grades.  Oh no!  I recounted the number of times my daughter has come home or gone to bed with tears in her eyes because she felt slighted on the playground by a girl she thought was her friend.  I thought about the few times my son had said he sat by himself at lunch.  I thought about the fact that my oldest son has only been invited to two birthday parties since we moved out here over two years ago.  Why can't anything about school be easy for any of my kids?  

And you know what else?  I started in with my woes.  Why does it feel so impossible to get any alone(and quality) time with my husband?  Why can't we get ahead financially when we save and give and pay our bills and shop as wisely(and thrifty) as we can?  And that takes me to the comparison questions:  Why is it that the same people who always have a free babysitter on hand also have an aunt or grandma or neighbor who buys brand new clothes for their straight-A kids?  I'm happy to find good deals on second-hand clothes.  Not only does money often feel like a struggle, but if we don't have something wrong with our house, it's wrong at our rental.  And why if all is right with the houses, does it go wrong with the car and truck?  And why...?  You get the idea!

And you know what else?  All this is okay.  It's all a part of this thing called life.  Griping, complaining, and comparing are not okay.  Life's circumstances are okay; the good will ebb and flow as well as the bad.  Most times I can be very balanced, remembering to give thanks for all the good.  But sometimes I go to that dark place and the woe-is-me and comparison trap begins.  It never ends in a good place.  It's ugly.  And I never feel better on the other side of it.  Why do I allow it?  

I was reminded today of Psalm 68:19.  A portion of that scripture says that God daily bears our burdens.  That gave me something to chew on for quite a while.  I realized that when I feel the hurts, anxieties, struggles, and worries that my children experience, I am bearing their burdens.  I carry and accept these burdens as part of my own.  Now I know that I cannot handle these problems for my children.  Ultimately my children are responsible for their grades as well as managing disappointments and maneuvering friendships.  My job is to train them, teach them, and help them.  However, when they hurt, I hurt.  When they struggle, I feel it too.  It's a natural response that I don't always consciously realize.  I am bearing their burdens.  They don't know this.  They may never know this.  But it's something a mama does.  And thank the Lord that I usually end up in a place of humility and prayer before God, knowing that I can't take away their burdens or solve any of these problems for them.  

I'm so thankful that God reminded me today that He bears my burdens.  He bears their burdens.  Daily.  Daily,  He accepts the responsibility for our burdens...and carries the weight of them.  We are absolutely not alone, no matter how it feels right now!  As I remind myself of this truth, I am reminded to teach my children this truth.  And I can pray with all of my heart that one day they will know this truth in the depths of their being.  They are not alone.  Just as He bore our shortcomings and sin on that rugged cross, Christ is daily bearing our burdens.  

Life is certainly messy and oftentimes plenty frustrating.  And if I allow myself into the comparison trap, I will always find someone who I've imagined has it easier...whose kids come home daily with great attitudes and smiles, birthday party invitations, high fashion boots, and straight A's.  But I'm also trapped in that imagination.  That's not where I want to live.  So, I'll take the occasional poor grades and dirty no-name tennis shoes.  And I'll take the fifteen minutes here and there throughout the week that my husband and I can find to have an uninterrupted conversation.  I'll take it because that is my life.  That is what has been given to me....along with a whole lot of good!  A whole lot to smile about.  And when it's not so good, I'll remind myself that just as I am daily bearing my children's burdens--whether they know it or not--God is daily bearing mine.

**linking up with http://holleygerth.com/

A Spiritual Time-Out

Earlier I sent my 8 year old to his room to take some time alone and talk to God.  His attitude had gone from just okay to downright not nice.  He was falling apart over little things and not responding well to anyone.  I told him he needed to just take some time and make things right between him and God, and that he could not come out of his room until he had done this.  About 15 minutes later, while I was in the shower (door open, mind you!) listening to my daughters slamming their bedroom door over and over and over, I thought, "I wish I had sent myself to my room to talk to God!"  If only, right? 

Nothing about my day started out great.  I woke up to my 2 year old screaming and crying.  As I entered her room, I smelled the offense!  She has experimented with removing her own diaper recently.  This time, something happened soon after for which she was ill-prepared.  She was trapped at one side of her bed absolutely terrified at what was laying on the other side!  Okay!  Bath time bright and early!  Laundry to follow. 

After breakfast, I agreed to let the kids build a monstrous house out of every cushion, pillow, chair, blanket, and book in the house, accepting that I would use the living room space for my workout this evening instead of this morning.  Shortly after this process began is when my son's attitude took a turn for the worse.  He's a perfectionist with very big visions; when he can't make the visions a reality, he becomes easily frustrated.  Meanwhile, my printer misprinted and ruined at least 4 pretty valuable coupons.  I realize this isn't a life or death issue, but when you're a single income family, saving money is key!  My online banking website also seemed to be having an off day, but when I finally reached it I realized that a check written weeks ago had not cashed.  It was now past due!  Beautiful!  (Please forgive the sarcasm.)  So, I could hope that my insurance company would practice some decency; that after I submitted an online payment, should they receive a check that they contact me before cashing it.  But, I don't have that much faith in insurance companies.  So, I sat on the phone with a very courteous bank representative who kindly stopped the payment of my check to the small tune of thirty-five dollars!  Yippee!  Well, at least that's done!

So, fast forward to my epiphany in the shower that I really wish I'd sent myself to my room to talk to God.  The reality is, that is exactly what I needed and need to do!  At least, in a sense.  So, maybe I can't actually remove myself entirely from my young children's presence for 20 minutes to go to my room for a real time-out, but I can take a spiritual time-out whenever I am smart enough to realize I need one.  This can be as simple as stopping, breathing, and refocusing on God, "the one in whom our hope should rest in quiet confidence all along."  Yes, all the little frustrations of the day are valid.  Each one was unexpected and irritating to some degree.  But, is it the end of the world?  Heck no!  An early bath here, some extra laundry there, $35 here....  It is going to be alright!  I would have realized that much earlier if I had simply taken a moment to remind myself of the one who holds my world in His hands. 

I had enough time and insight to afford my son the opportunity to go remind himself of the one who cares for him.  He could have taken two minutes or an hour and it wouldn't have mattered to me!  I just wanted him to take a spiritual time-out so that his day would get better and not worse.  Not surprisingly, he came downstairs after about 30 minutes and gave me a hug and apologized for his attitude.  I knew he had talked to God!  I never told him he needed to apologize to me.   But, this time of quiet meditation or prayer with His heavenly Father was all he needed to redirect his path.  He has been just fine ever since.  I will be too.  I have taken a few moments to quiet myself and place my cares in my Father's hands.  (They're much bigger than mine--He can hold an awful lot!)  I know I can't fix every aggravating thing that happens in my life, and I really don't expect God to either.  But, I know that if I quietly remind myself, in the middle of life's aggravations, that God cares for me and sees the end as well as the beginning, I can handle just about anything. 

*quote by Candy Chand, Gift of Grace