His Timing is Always Best

Listening to the wind sweeping across the fields around me on this beautiful spring day, I'm reminded how winds of change can be so beautiful.  Change isn't often easy, but some change is a direct answer or culmination of answers to prayer...and it brings comfort!  As my school-age children got on the bus this morning, I heard a squeal from their morning bus driver.  I knew that she must be delighted at the small gift that my daughter had handed her!  I got momentarily choked up thinking over this school year that is quickly coming to a close.  My Ella finishes kindergarten this Friday and my boys finish school next Wednesday.  It is all bittersweet; their school year has been amazing!

I am certainly looking forward to the summer:  we have plans and are still making some.  I intend to enjoy my time with all four of my children home!  However, thinking back over this school year truly brings a smile to my face and warms my heart.  God is so faithful to answer our prayers...in His timing.  What I realize is that when we see the answer--or the culmination of answered prayers, in His timing--it is so sweet.  Praying about a new home, a new community, and very specifically about a new school district for my children was in the forefront of my prayers for several years.  I have spent almost every day of this school year being so grateful for His answers.  As the current school year comes to a close, I am grateful (to tears) that He heard all of my prayers and answered them beyond what I could have asked or even imagined!

From teachers, to classmates, to opportunities, to parent conferences, to art shows and consumer fairs, to father-daughter dances, to agricultural day (complete with pictures of my children on local farmers' tractors), to community volunteers that my children know by name....this has been a fantastic school year!  You see, I home schooled for 2 years.  Yes, I loved many aspects of homeschooling.  Yes, I truly believe it was the best decision for our family at the time.  No, I would not trade that time or experience for anything in this world.  But, 2 years was plenty long enough for me!  Whether it's my DNA, my kids' very strong-willed personalities, God's specific will for our children's lives, or all of the above...2 years was long enough!

I prayed and prayed for our new property and home; for our new community; and for our new school district.  I was and still am aware that on my own I did not know what was best for our family.  There were times over the almost 4 years that we wanted to move and put bids on different houses; tried to sell our home; attempted to rent it and then retracted, that I thought we knew what would be best.  Certain houses or areas charmed me in certain ways and I dreamed; I often felt we had found "the one" or "the perfect area"...but God knew best!  I know that now--fully and completely without any hesitation!  But I did not always know that along the journey of faith.  At times, I even intensely doubted that God was listening to a single one of my prayers.  And, during times of struggle with homeschooling, I feared that I would have to take on another year.  (Disclaimer:  if you are a very committed homeschooling for the entirety of your children's school life kind of mom, I have immense respect for you!  I am also aware that you might be shaking your head at my admission.  But I am fully comfortable in admitting that it isn't for me and my children for the long haul.)

Two days ago Ella, who is in kindergarten, and Luke, who is in first grade, told me that Ms. Marty needed me to call the library right away!  Marty is one of our community's librarians.  My preschooler and I see her weekly at story time.  My other children see her almost weekly at school as she helps with student reading.  We've seen her at monthly school events such as "Science Night" and a Christmas theatrical program.  We know her.  She knows us.  At first I thought that I must have neglected reading a notice sent home or forgot to sign something for the end of the year, although I had no idea what that could have been.  Then I realized it was probably about the Summer Reading Program.  My suspicion was confirmed when I spoke with Ms. Marty later that afternoon.  You see, she knows our family and knew that we would enjoy taking part in that program.  She didn't want it to fill to capacity before we had the chance to sign-up.  To me, this typifies our community!  

We see our bus drivers at school functions; our teachers at holiday parades; our kids wave at our farmer-neighbor as he plows the field....and he returns the wave, or stops to talk; and our children color pictures for the owner of the local pizza store, who loves our kids and always chats with us when we stop in.  This is the community of our prayers.  Our kids are at a fabulous school.  As I said before, I am so grateful!  What blesses me the very most is the lesson in all of this:  God's answers to prayer, along with patience in His timing, allow for the very best outcome.  Sure, we could have jumped ahead of him.  I'm sure that we could have had other homes and our kids could have done well at other schools.  But, what I know is how I feel...and I can't deny the immense gratitude at the beauty of His answers and His timing.  Everything about where we are (our property, home, school, community, and church) is better than we imagined!  We are excited for the journey ahead as it continues to develop and grow.  The lesson I have learned (or re-learned) can be applied to any area of need, desire, or prayer!  God knows best...He really does!  And His answers to prayer, in His timing, are better than we can imagine!  Don't forget to pray!  Give everything to Him in prayer, with thanksgiving, and watch the Master at work!

Times of Refreshing

Recently I looked up the meaning of "refreshing" because I realized that I have thought about, referred to, and used that word so much over the last few months in different contexts.  The meaning was what I thought it to be, and the definition I liked best said:  agreeably stimulating because of freshness or newness 'a refreshing change of pace'.  I really like that!  And, I think that we need that in our lives, don't you?  It seems that nothing good can come from the same old, same old.  In fact, if we don't change it up a bit, I think life has a special way of changing it up for us!

Well I have certainly felt a sense of refreshing over my life in different ways over the past few months.  This is not to say that there have not been unwelcome circumstances or speed bumps, because there have, but there has been so much come into my life that has been refreshing, and I am grateful!

Most often, I think that refreshing comes from following that still, small voice of God in our lives.  Do you know He speaks to us?  In so many different ways He does.  But He doesn't shout or pester to get our attention...as my children do more times than I care to remember.  He is gentle.  He is strong indeed.  But He deals with the important issues in our lives with such love and patience.  He embodies love and patience.  I so long to learn to be like Him in this way.  Let my heart be changed to be more like yours, God!  Through love, patience, and gentleness He speaks to us.  He prompts us.  He reminds us.  He encourages us.  He gives ideas.  Those thoughts that just don't go away about an idea or inspiration:  that's God's voice in your life.  Refreshing comes when we follow!  Times of refreshing await as we begin the walk of true and ultimate obedience, whatever the cost.  

Oftentimes the cost is what scares us the most.  This is where we hesitate.  We are all about self-preservation (selfishness) just as our children are, actually.  We don't want to move or go in a direction that we know will cost us...in some way.  But, as we obey and head in the direction that He encourages us to walk, we begin to step into times of refreshing.  We may not see or feel them right away...but they will come.  

Each of us has a different road to travel.  A different path to walk.  The beauty is in trusting that God has made no mistakes in the road He has chosen for you.  Trust says that I'm willing to go through the icky and the ugly to come closer to Him.  To come closer to what He has for my life.  Only in the icky and the ugly can we learn to trust.  And, when we really begin to trust--without hesitation and without reservation--we experience refreshing.  We experience a freshness or a newness!  We experience this because God provides us with these times.  He loves to do a new thing in our lives.  He loves to change the pace in our lives. This doesn't mean that He changes because truly, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  But He does love newness and freshness.  I am realizing that He delights in seeing us refreshed as we allow Him to move and create newness in our lives and in our life's journey.  

I am thankful for the times of refreshing I have been experiencing.  Grateful is the other word I've heard myself saying.  That's more accurate.  I am truly grateful.  Not just grateful for the refreshing times, but I am grateful because I know, without a doubt, that the times of refreshing have come into my life as a result of trust and obedience.  And, I can take no credit for that.  He has been too patient with me.  He has been so good and gentle toward me.  So, if you find yourself yearning for times of refreshing...if you feel tears well in your eyes because that is the prayer and cry of your heart...  Listen for Him.  Be still and quiet before Him.  Even for a few moments of your day.  Be still.  Ask Him to speak to you.  Ask Him to reveal Himself to you.  Ask Him to show you the plans that He has for you.  He will.  He hears us and He longs for us to seek Him.  God will speak into your life.  He will direct your path.  He will make it clear.  It might take a while for you to see it clearly, but it won't be long before you see the next few steps in front of you clearly.  And when you do, walk in obedience.  Without hesitation, trust Him.  And as you trust in God, those times of refreshing will begin to come.  

Looking For the Smiles

Feeling very fulfilled and content creating precious memories with our children.  I'm focusing on remaining content in all things.  This is good.  Really good.  Circumstances cause me to look up, look down, look around, seek, seek, and seek; they're not altogether bad, constantly changing, because once I seek, I find.  I find Him.  I find the One, the only one, in whom my soul rests.  Once I find Him--as I always do when I seek--I am fully reminded to rest in Him.  To be content.  To remain content.  In contentment is the peace which my soul desperately craves.  I crave this peace more than I crave any other thing in my life!  I crave peace as my body craves water.  And I have found...I am finding, again and again that peace, true peace, is found in contentment.

Living this truth is key because I know that my children are watching me more than they are listening to me.  (Often I wonder if they're ever listening to me.)  But, do you know what I mean?  The way that I live my life and walk in contentment and peace...or not, is what they get more than what I say to them.  I have to keep this truth in the forefront, because I want my children to live life in peace more than anything else.  Just as the apostle Paul said, whether they abound or are abased (Philippians 4:12), I want them to live life content; this brings about true peace. 

Today is a perfect opportunity.  My husband and I finally have a date night planned.  They are few and far between so we are ecstatic when one is on the calendar!  My 7 year old woke up complaining of a headache.  I gave him medicine, prayed with him, and sent him on his way to school.  I had a very strong suspicion that the school would be calling me by lunch time, at the latest.  Just had a feeling.  Sure enough, I got off the phone with my older brother mid-morning and there was a call from my son's school.  So, I pouted for a minute.  Then, I packed up my 3 year old and drove to get my son.  He had a low grade fever.  I sent a message to my friend, who had so graciously offered to watch my children.  I let my husband know what was going on.  I pouted just a bit more.  Then I began to seek.  Why, darn it?  Well...why not?  Life is life...and sometimes it's unfair!  But, you know what else I found?  Contentment.  Peace.  I watched our new chicks for a while...and they made me smile.  I looked around my beautiful living room (beautiful in my eyes as we're still renovating and it's been a long journey).  I smiled.  I breathed.  I listened to my son talk to his sister with kindness.  I relaxed.  It's okay.  He may feel better after resting, and we may still get to go.  Or, he may not and the date will be off.  Either way, I'm okay.  I'm fully content and enjoying this day.  I am at peace.  My soul is at rest.  

So, this peace is truly what I want my children to catch, if they don't get anything else from me.  This is my prayer for them.  Am I always at peace?  No way!  But, this is my prayer for myself too.  And I'm learning.  I'm growing.  I'm seeing God work His peace in me as a master craftsman.  He is perfectly able to finish all of the good works that He has begun in me.  I will continue to look for places to smile.  I will continue to thoroughly enjoy creating memories--and opportunities for memories--with my children.  Some of the things making us all smile recently are our 8 new baby chicks.  They are darling.  And yes, I know that they grow up!  We are so excited about this new chapter in our new country life!  Loving the moments.  Loving the days.  Looking for the smiles.  Learning to remain content.  Learning to live in peace.  

Too Much is Not Enough

Remember having a pen pal?  I do.  In fact, I remember having many pen pals throughout my childhood and young adulthood.  Now, not so much.  What seems to have taken the place of something like pen pals is something like emails, texts, and social media outlets.  Believe me, I am all for these advancements.  I email; I text often; and I have used social media regularly.  There is nothing, in my opinion, inherently wrong with any of these mediums for connection.

I do use the word "connection" hesitantly however, because I have had a slight change of heart.  Or, maybe it's just my perception that has changed.  Either way, I have begun to wonder if there is much of a genuine connection that takes place via emails, texts, and social media.  Up until approximately 4 months ago, I used social media regularly to connect with friends, family, and acquaintances.  I really enjoyed it!  Circumstances caused me to make a decision to deactivate my social media account.  At first I felt very disconnected!  I missed seeing pictures, fun quotes, interesting status posts, and my friends' check-ins.  But before long I realized that in the innermost makeup of who I am, I wasn't missing anything at all (in terms of feeling connected with people who I care about).

Fast forward 4 months and I am doubtful that I will re-connect in this particular way any time soon.  Again, nothing at all wrong with social media; it can be a whole lot of fun.  But, it can also be a waste of time.  It can be a source of hurt.  It can allude a false sense of identity.  And it can sure be a false sense of community...or if you will, connection!

Please understand that I am not on an anti-social media rant nor am I suggesting that anyone who participates is falling prey to what I specifically pinpointed.  But for me, I saw most of this at play in my own life or those with whom I was connected.  You know, the perfect marriage online....but have dinner with them and it's a completely different couple.  Or, the constant bragging about all the do-gooding in one's family or children, while failing to consider the feelings of some who think they'll never measure up.  I've been a part of entire meal-time discussions about something posted on a person's social profile page.  Had circumstances not prompted me to bow out, I would probably still be an active participant.  But not having this as a part of my life has been nothing short of a refreshing change of pace, if not a blessing.  (Again, this is just me!)

What most of us crave is real connection--person to person.  I text friends and family frequently (and honestly, 9 times out of 10 it's just easier than a phone conversation).  But, I am refreshed and affirmed after a coffee date with a friend, like the one I recently enjoyed.  I appreciate the short and sweet messages my husband sends me, but what I really crave is some face to face time with him (I'm talking about conversation....mostly!).  I enjoy reading and sending a nice email, but how much more special I feel to open or send a card in the mail.  Snail mail, yes!  That's what I'm referring to!  I love it!  Writing notes, letters, and cards is one of my things--always has been!  And personally, I've found that one is much more deliberate this way than when the "send" or "post" button is pushed.  And boy, can buttons easily be pushed!  I've been the recipient and I've been the perpetrator.  Yes I have. 

I was having a phone conversation with one of my lifelong friends, who unfortunately lives thousands of miles away from me.  She too, has recently taken a leave of absence from the social media world.  She echoed everything I was expressing in relation to that decision.  She is the one who used the term deliberate.  She wanted to become more deliberate in her relationships.  So do I!  So do I.  When I think of a friend or family member and send that card, or make that phone call, or even when I send that text...I want it to mean something.  I don't want it to be haphazard or careless. 

You know, when you see 60+ "likes" on a post or a picture, it's very easy to fool yourself into thinking that 60 some people genuinely care.  When in reality, what happens in life...is what's real!  Go through a life-altering circumstance or an extremely difficult transition and observe who is by your side.  Most of us, if we're honest, are pretty darn lucky to have 6 people genuinely care, check in, bring a meal or dessert, pray with us, cry with us, celebrate with us, or break bread with us!  And that is not a bad thing!  It's a very real thing.  We can be fooled into thinking we are surrounded by swarms of people who love us, care about us, and are cheering for us...but when the rubber meets the road we see who is really there...walking this life road with us!  That's where the blessing is!

There is a bible verse that refers to throwing pearls before swine.  It is not my intention to take that verse out of its context, but the general idea of deliberate relationships can be similar.  We only have so many hours in a day.  We only have so much emotional energy.  We only have so much to give.  As is the same for those around us.  How realistic is it to think that our 500 online friends are really our friends?  Or even 50 for that matter?  And why would we continue to pursue relationships that are rarely--if ever--reciprocated?  We can either invest in those few meaningful relationships or we can spread ourselves thin...and possibly miss out on enjoying rich, meaningful fellowship or connection.  Most of us have looked at the life of Jesus, who had the multitudes, the crowds, the disciples, the 3, and the 1 close friend.  This is a very real picture.  And I repeat what I said before:  social media is a fun use of time, but we were created for nothing short of real life connection. 

Sometimes there is just too much noise in our lives!  Too much.  Too many distractions.  Too many obligations.  Too many scheduling conflicts.  Too many business ventures.  Too many after-school activities.  Too many toys.  Too many clothes.  Too many shoes.  (Well....maybe not that necessarily!)  Too many posts.  Too many people constantly around us.  Too much noise.  Not enough life.  Ironic?  I don't think so.  How many times did Jesus deliberately leave the multitudes and the chaos?  How many times did he steal away to be quiet?  To pray? 

And on the heels of that, if I may:  real life and growth most often occurs in the stillness and the deliberate quiet.  How else can we hear what God's still small voice is whispering to us?  I read a wonderful passage in a beautiful book recently.  The book is Hinds' Feet on High Places:  it is the story of Much-Afraid making the journey to the high places with the Shepherd's guidance.  Toward the beginning of Much-Afraid's journey, the Shepherd explains to her why it's necessary for this journey to the very highest places to be one made in quiet and solitude--not before the eyes of beholders. 

All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at.  Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love.  Many a quiet, ordinary, and hidden life, unknown to the world, is a veritable garden in which Love's flowers and fruits have come to such perfection that it is a place of delight where the King of Love himself walks and rejoices with his friends.  Some of my servants have indeed won great visible victories and are rightly loved and reverenced by other men, but always their greatest victories are like the wild flowers, those which no one knows about.

That last paragraph may read like a diversion from my main topic, but it really is not.  When we are deliberate with our time and relationships, we can enjoy the kind of connection that God intended for us all.  When we deliberately separate ourselves enough from the noise of this world we live in, we can even ascend to more meaningful places in our personal lives,  in our relationships, and primarily--and most importantly--in our relationship with God.  When we make a deliberate decision to say no to too much, we are giving ourselves the space and permission to grow; the energy to enjoy our most precious relationships; and the strength to enrich our life's journey.  Simply put, too much is just...not enough.

*quote from Hinds' Feet on High Places, Hannah Hurnard

That Could Be Us

Recently my family and I were visiting with a friend.  She was telling us of a recent furnace problem.  We were telling her about having to replace 3 things in my husband's truck--3 weeks in a row; having to re-route our laundry room drain that was backing up; having to thaw a frozen pipe in the laundry room; and having to replace a breaker that was bad.  I mean to tell ya, sometimes like the past few weeks, I wonder when we will get a break!  Thankfully my husband is handy!  But, he is also one person with limited time...and we are one family with limited income.  My friend had commented about the several hundred dollars they paid their furnace guy.  No household problems are welcome, are they?  They are always inconvenient.

A day later my husband and I were talking about our busy few weeks of fixing things as well as his busy schedule completing a job outside of his regular schedule.  I brought up the discussion of my friend's furnace and commented that our problem isn't simply the frustration of things breaking down or needing replaced, but also the cost.  For some, it's inconvenient but the cost isn't too big of a factor.  For us, it's inconvenient and the cost can often be another setback.  You know, you save and pay off debt only to have something happen...one step forward, two steps back!  I began the "woe is me" rant.  "All I want is a date!  You know, one where we can go do what we choose?"  "I want to see our savings build, rather than being depleted over and over and over."  "I want to visit my dear friend who lives thousands of miles away."  On and on it went until I sighed and said, "Some people just don't know how blessed they are."  My husband looked at me very seriously and said, "You know?  That could be us...we may not realize how blessed we are."

Ahh...he was certainly right!  Admittedly I wasn't in the mood to hear it or agree at that moment.  I was still playing the pity card.  I was doing a good job at it.  In fact, even after his revealing reflection, I was still immersed in self-pity.  We can stay in that funk just as long as we choose to!  And sometimes others around us will even agree that we are due for a break!  But, I couldn't (and I can't) admit that my husband wasn't right, darn it!  We have a very happy, healthy marriage and we have 4 beautiful, smart, creative, and fun children.  And even if it doesn't look like it just yet, we have our dream home (well, we will after we replace the windows, put doors on all the rooms, finish the drywall upstairs, and a million other things...)!  We have a space in the country that we love.  Our kids are now attending a wonderful school with teachers and administrators we trust.  And, we have found a church home where we are so happy and at peace--a church of integrity with goals and a vision in which we wholeheartedly agree.  Life is good!  We are truly a blessed family.  

Any mom or dad reading this could write his or her own similar story.  It is so tempting--and so easy--to fall into the trap of self-pity.  We all have circumstances that we wish could be different.  We can focus on those all we want.  We can drown ourselves in self-pity if we so choose.  And boy doesn't that feel good?  No, it does not!  Never.  But, if we change our perspective and count our blessings, we see things so clearly.  And honestly, I wouldn't want to be on the other side of our circumstances if it meant that God wasn't in control.  There is a reason for every circumstance in which we find ourselves.  Who can put a price-tag on the love, joy, and peace we feel in our marriage and family?  Sometimes we need someone to look us in the face, in the midst of our personal pity party, and remind us that we may not realize how blessed we truly are.  I suppose I should admit to my husband that he was right...  If I'm not careful--if I don't change my perspective and count my blessings--I may miss it!  I may not realize how blessed we truly are!

A Joyful and Loving Father

God is so purposeful in how He chooses to reveal His nature to us.  Recently I was reading a book in which the author described God as loving, joyful, and having a great sense of humor.  In that moment I had such an epiphany:  although I've previously said "amen" to those descriptors of God over the course of my life, that was not the God with whom I had walked.  (This, I now know was because of my view of Him, not because the descriptors were untrue.)  The God with whom I had walked was loving, yes.  But He was concerned--if not disappointed--in me.  He certainly was not looking at me through eyes of joy.  And although He may have often shaken His head at me because of my words or actions, He was not lovingly laughing with me.  That moment of realization was honest and raw for me, but it became even more so.  I closed my eyes and asked God to please, please reveal this part of His nature to me...personally.

From that moment it became almost comical what began to unfold.  We had one blessing after another. Some big.  Many small.  Each one significant.  I was thrilled with finally having in home wireless access for the same price we had been paying for our phone service alone.  Then, after three attempts (on my husband's part) we got a new van...well, new to us!  This van is better for us for many reasons and we are saving money!  We received a couple unexpected checks in the mail.  We are in the process of refinancing our rental property, which will in turn allow our profit to go from next to nothing--to three times that!  We received some insurance breaks as well as having one insurance bill completely canceled.  We received two unexpected gift cards in the mail for things we enjoy.  My husband has even had overtime opportunities on his job in a struggling economy.  (I am not insinuating that everything has been ideal, because we've had our share of plumbing issues over the past few months as well as other normal life setbacks.)  

One night I was thanking God for all of the recent blessings and I realized that God kept doing one thing after the next to prove Himself.  For us, it is very impacting that much of this has been in the area of finances....for more reasons than I can mention right now.  I started to wonder what would happen next--even if it was seemingly small--I knew God was answering a very specific prayer for me!  I suddenly had this picture of God smiling so big while He blessed us again and again.  In fact, I had a very real picture of God chuckling--getting a kick out of Himself!  Even when we experienced a very frustrating setback, God would turn around and prove Himself again!  The morning after I realized this I opened my inbox to find an email with the subject "you won!"  Seriously!  I had to laugh.  Again, I saw God chuckling:  happy with Himself...happy with me.  I won a giveaway from a blog writer whose writing I enjoy.  I was encouraged by her post the day before and simply wanted to tell her!  (As a fellow writer, I enjoy encouraging other writers!)  I had no idea she was doing a giveaway until after I submitted my comment.  So, to win one of the giveaways--no matter the prize--just made me smile.  

We went from wondering if we'd be able to buy our kids even one good present for Christmas--to having some creative ideas and being able to do some neat things for them.  We are never extravagant with them at Christmas, but it's so nice to put smiles on their faces.  Isn't that what God has been doing for us?  After work today, my husband informed me that he received a Christmas bonus!  This is especially significant because in the six Christmases he has been with this company, this is the very first one in which a bonus has been given...and it was a complete surprise to us!  Again, I see God chuckling!  I think He's just getting a kick out of revealing this part of Himself to me!  

Now, I am certainly not proposing that God will just start providing financial blessings abundantly to us simply because we ask if He's happy with us.  I had no idea that He would use this way to reveal His nature to me.  (We have been very purposeful and mindful in our giving during this holiday season as well because we believe that we are blessed to be a blessing.)  But, I had a very raw moment of honesty with God despite many, many years of loving Him, walking with Him, and believing that I knew His true nature.  This was definitely an area for me that despite the many nods of agreement, I didn't believe with complete conviction in my heart.  It wasn't personally true for me.  God chose to answer my heart's question at a most significant time in my life (but that's another story entirely).  By His love and grace, I am beginning to believe with absolute conviction of heart that God not only loves me, He is pleased with me.  He smiles and chuckles lovingly as I walk with Him--as I fumble and stumble, but desire to love, please, and reflect Him.  I am beginning to picture a loving God who isn't frowning at me in disapproval.  Rather, He is lovingly smiling at me.  And when I run into His arms, He chuckles warmly--just as my husband does when our children run into His.  He's a loving Father.  He is joyfully pleased with His children.  He is joyfully pleased with me!

Just Jump!

Long time no post!  Some breaks are refreshing, rewarding, and necessary.  Other breaks make you realize just how much you miss, love, and need that something in your life.  That's writing--and blogging in particular--for me.  My life has been in transition for months in more ways than one.  It's a good thing and I'm more thankful than I have words to express.  (That sounds strange, huh?)  Nevertheless, I'm ready to get back to this business of writing!

Recently I heard a message in regard to faith.  Often, making a decision of faith feels like standing on the edge of a cliff and knowing you just have to jump.  Wooey!  Scary thought, huh?  One thing I'd like to do someday is to parachute from a plane.  My husband thinks I'm nuts, but I'd really like to....with a guide, of course.  Parachuting, jumping, or propelling off the side of a cliff on my own...no way!!  However, this is often how we feel when we face certain areas in our life that require great faith, or as the pastor said, unusual faith.

Every now and then our faith has to be exercised in a most unusual or unexpected way.  We are often prompted to pray unusual prayers or reach out to unusual people.  What I'm learning is that the blessing is found--and our trust in God is deeply strengthened--when we take those leaps.  We must remind ourselves that it probably won't feel good at first.  It will most likely be scary.  In fact, sometimes it is so scary at first--or for a while--that we doubt ourselves.  We may question why we ever jumped in the first place.  We may question our instincts (and everything else about ourselves) during that first few hundred feet of free-falling.  During that time, we have absolutely no one and nothing to lean on or trust in but God.  He promises to catch us when we fall.  Yes.  But He is also the one who occasionally asks us...to jump.  Thankfully He's very patient because most of us stand there frozen in fear, or asking questions in which the answers aren't necessary, before we get up the courage to jump.  (The unknown can be so scary!)

I needed to jump back into my blog.  The dilemma I had faced with blogging over the last eight months is that we moved to a different community.  In doing this, we lost the ability to enjoy high speed internet through our local cable company.  The move and renovations alone have been pricey!  Every time I looked into new options for high speed internet, I became discouraged as it would cost us quite a bit more monthly than we had been paying.  We just have not had that extra wiggle room.  Without in-home internet, however, I have not had the ease of blogging the way I used to.  So...it was put on hold.

At church last Sunday, when the pastor encouraged us to envision our cliff, all I could think of was my writing aspirations.  So, I prayed a quiet, simple prayer:  Lord, somehow make a way for this again.  Shortly after we got our routine Sunday coffee treats, I realized that the calendar on my phone was completely wiped out...gone!  I use my calendar function more than anything else.  I keep track of our family schedule, my kids' school events, birthdays, anniversaries, everything!  My husband suggested we stop at the nearby Verizon store, but we had already stopped at the grocery store so I declined.  Shortly after we passed the street, I mentioned it again.  He turned around and said, "Let's just go see if we can have them look at it real quick."  No other customers were at the store.  After my husband was in the store for five minutes, he ran out to the car and told me he was going to get me "hooked up with some wireless at home!"  Sure enough, within minutes, we had a new plan for both of our phones and wireless at home for the exact price that we had been paying for our phone service alone!  Additionally, we will receive a small discount through my husband's employer since they use Verizon also!  Couldn't get my calendar fixed at that moment.  But, within an hour after saying a simple prayer for provision (based on a conviction that I needed to jump off a cliff...in faith), God had winked at me and made a way.  He does that often when we are open to it!

I'm learning to jump.  How about you?  I'm not certain that I'll soar gracefully at first--or at all!  I may cry to be caught.  I may land very awkwardly.  Or maybe I will think I can land on my own, but instead fall and experience some hurt.  I can trust that even then, He will be right there with me!  And, past leaps of faith have taught me that God will join me as soon as I decide to jump.  He will never leave nor forsake me!  The fantastic thing about jumping--or even declaring that it's time to jump--is that God starts sending little reminders that He's right with you.  He will give peace even in the unknown.  Much like a father watching his child climb the ladder to jump off the high-dive for the first time, He is so proud of us for trying.  He will love us no matter how we end up in the water...or how fearfully we jump off that cliff.  When we take unusual risks, He is right there with us.  This is the comforting, reassuring truth that I'm learning.  He will pave a way.  He will wink in approval.  He will quiet our soul as we lean in and just trust.