Feeling very fulfilled and content creating precious memories with our children. I'm focusing on remaining content in all things. This is good. Really good. Circumstances cause me to look up, look down, look around, seek, seek, and seek; they're not altogether bad, constantly changing, because once I seek, I find. I find Him. I find the One, the only one, in whom my soul rests. Once I find Him--as I always do when I seek--I am fully reminded to rest in Him. To be content. To remain content. In contentment is the peace which my soul desperately craves. I crave this peace more than I crave any other thing in my life! I crave peace as my body craves water. And I have found...I am finding, again and again that peace, true peace, is found in contentment.
Living this truth is key because I know that my children are watching me more than they are listening to me. (Often I wonder if they're ever listening to me.) But, do you know what I mean? The way that I live my life and walk in contentment and peace...or not, is what they get more than what I say to them. I have to keep this truth in the forefront, because I want my children to live life in peace more than anything else. Just as the apostle Paul said, whether they abound or are abased (Philippians 4:12), I want them to live life content; this brings about true peace.
Today is a perfect opportunity. My husband and I finally have a date night planned. They are few and far between so we are ecstatic when one is on the calendar! My 7 year old woke up complaining of a headache. I gave him medicine, prayed with him, and sent him on his way to school. I had a very strong suspicion that the school would be calling me by lunch time, at the latest. Just had a feeling. Sure enough, I got off the phone with my older brother mid-morning and there was a call from my son's school. So, I pouted for a minute. Then, I packed up my 3 year old and drove to get my son. He had a low grade fever. I sent a message to my friend, who had so graciously offered to watch my children. I let my husband know what was going on. I pouted just a bit more. Then I began to seek. Why, darn it? Well...why not? Life is life...and sometimes it's unfair! But, you know what else I found? Contentment. Peace. I watched our new chicks for a while...and they made me smile. I looked around my beautiful living room (beautiful in my eyes as we're still renovating and it's been a long journey). I smiled. I breathed. I listened to my son talk to his sister with kindness. I relaxed. It's okay. He may feel better after resting, and we may still get to go. Or, he may not and the date will be off. Either way, I'm okay. I'm fully content and enjoying this day. I am at peace. My soul is at rest.
So, this peace is truly what I want my children to catch, if they don't get anything else from me. This is my prayer for them. Am I always at peace? No way! But, this is my prayer for myself too. And I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm seeing God work His peace in me as a master craftsman. He is perfectly able to finish all of the good works that He has begun in me. I will continue to look for places to smile. I will continue to thoroughly enjoy creating memories--and opportunities for memories--with my children. Some of the things making us all smile recently are our 8 new baby chicks. They are darling. And yes, I know that they grow up! We are so excited about this new chapter in our new country life! Loving the moments. Loving the days. Looking for the smiles. Learning to remain content. Learning to live in peace.
Here is the task: to write a blog in 20 minutes! Why? I don't have more time than that. Honestly! This day has been filled up with reorganizing toys; cleaning; home schooling my son; exercising; printing coupons; and trekking through a wet, puddled basement to complete a few loads of laundry. It has been another busy day at the Hinz house. Even through the clutter and chaos; through the dampness of the day (inside and out), my heart and my soul are at peace. This is the forever "thing" that I am wanting to pass on to my children as well. Life is so much better lived with peace!
We want to rent our home and move. We want to enlarge the area in which we live. We have many other short-term as well as long-term goals. But, each and every day this family's biggest goal is to live in peace. This peace is best achieved by contentment and joy. This joy is best arrived at by laughing at life and enjoying the quirks and goodness in one another. Our children are continually cracking us up! Just last night, while we were doing our bedtime routine, my sometimes emotional and occasionally cantankerous 3 yr. old said, in response to being corrected, "I don't trust anyone!" My husband and I just looked at each other completely astonished! I asked, "Ella, where in the world did you hear such a thing?" To which she replied while smiling, "In the Jungle Book." We were relieved! Then we had another good laugh! The things our kids pick up and pay attention to! Well, that's just it, isn't it? It is amazing what they pay attention to....and they are paying attention!
Knowing that my kids are paying attention, I want to grasp hold of each and every opportunity that presents itself to impart something good--something of lasting value--into their lives. When they show interest in something, I really want to take the time to talk further with them. When they have questions, I need to answer them! When they are showing me that they desperately need my attention, I need to give them...myself! They are watching; they are listening; they are paying close attention! They remember things that I sometimes don't. Just days ago, my 7 year old was retelling me of the time when my husband gave his coat to a man who was likely homeless, who was spending time around the dumpsters where my husband worked. It was winter and the man needed a coat. It seemed a simple, easy enough thing to do. My son was probably 2 or 3 years old when this took place and I really don't think we've talked about it since then. But, my son remembered because we did talk with him about it at the time; we told him how important it is to do something even when you are not sure there is much you can do. Apparently, this had a lasting impact on him!
So, my forever lesson and my forever prayer is that I am living in peace with my family, with my neighbors, and with myself! My children are paying attention to what I am doing and what I am saying. They see my reactions to life. They see the peace exemplified! And, they see when peace is not what I have chosen. We are continually living this life in front of our children, even when we are not sure what to do--or we don't feel we have enough time to do what needs to be done. They are watching! Young, impressionable lives are watching mine lived in front of them! Lord, help me to remember to love as You do! Help me remember to have peace in every circumstance. Allow me to live with joy and contentment all the days of my life. And, help me to take every opportunity to teach my children about what matters in this life. Help my children to see you in the every day circumstances!
My 20 minutes is up! My daughter is also up...from her nap, begging for a snack. Laundry needs folded; toys need picked up; Lego pieces need found; a phone call needs to be made; and dinner needs prepared. Life is busy and sometimes difficult to slow down. But, in the midst of my busy life....little lives are watching!
I've been determined to do some writing over the past few days, but I keep allowing other distractions--or in some cases, other priorities--to deter me. I determined this afternoon, after tending to some responsibilities; doing some reading and studying; and allowing my son a chunk of time to explore Lego.com, that I would absolutely sit down and write a new entry in my blog. As I sat in front of my computer, I was at a loss for words. I know, I know! This seems highly unlikely! There are many, many thoughts, ideas, and dreams turning around and around in my head, but I seem unable to grasp just one good idea to chew on. I feel a bit distracted! Then I realize, this is truly one of the most real essences of any mom.
For me, this is a reality of being a mom of 4 young children. I am busy even when we are not busy. I'm sure most moms (and many dads) can relate! Very seldom do I collapse in bed at the end of a busy day, breathe a sigh of relief, and declare "I'm glad it's all done now!" Nope! That is simply not my reality. Not to say that I go to bed each evening with responsibilities weighing heavily on my mind. But, I am fully aware that just as tomorrow is a new day full of potential and promise, it also holds unfinished laundry, floors that need swept, bathrooms that need cleaned, projects that need tackled, and more plowing through certain behavioral issues with my children. There are priorities...and there are distractions. There are musts and there are maybes.
My job is to exercise wisdom in how and what to tackle first. My challenge is to live at peace with the right-now moment of my life. I need for the striving to cease. I need to learn to inhale...and exhale...the forever peace that comes from knowing that God knows right where I'm at and He knows all about my world. If He expected me to be at the finish line, then I wouldn't be here. I am a work in progress! My husband is a work in progress! My children are works in progress! And, there will always be inconveniences, failures, upsets, and distractions in my world. What I do with them is the real question.
I can strive and push to accomplish more and more and more. Sure! (And I can run like the hamster in the wheel, endlessly striving to get somewhere while only growing more and more tired.) Or, I can choose peace. I can choose to rest in each moment just exactly as it is. I can accept the fact that while attempting to read even just one chapter (in a somewhat secluded part of my house) I will still encounter interruptions from an excited 7 yr. old about the points he racked up in the online Lego game he just learned. I can accept that while I sit down to write or journal for a brief time, I will have a 3 yr. old who wants to sell me things in her pretend store, or crawl behind me in my computer chair to play with my hair. I can accept that while all kids are seemingly otherwise occupied and I sneak off to run a couple miles on my treadmill, that I will have a little one who wants to come watch me (and of course, needs me to stop frequently to put a new article of clothing on her baby). My time is really not my own! And this is okay! At this time in my life, my time is not really my own!
The reality is that when I said "I do" to motherhood, what I really said was "I am giving my time away...for a while." I am fully okay with this; it is not a drudgery. I wanted and I want to be a mom! What I have never wanted was the constant pull of trying to live one life while desiring another one. "All of our deepest desires are our soul's way of calling us back to simply being all of who we are." All of who I am supposed to be is exactly what I want to be. One of my very deepest and most meaningful desires is that I would be a loving, affirming, faithful, wise, gentle, patient, and kind mom to these 4 lives in which I've been entrusted. This is of the utmost importance to me because other lives are directly affected by my life's actions. So...I want to be all of who I am supposed to be. In this, I can have peace. If I am fighting with this life that I am living right now (along with all of the quirky circumstances), I will miss the beauty of it. I'm sure of that. I don't want to live with regret. I don't want to look back on the brief days of raising my young children and realize that all I did was fight to flee that time. What a sad realization that would be!
So, I am going to choose peace in the midst of everything that vies for my attention today. I am going to stop reading to give a hug. I am going to stop typing to listen to a story. I am going to stop scrubbing the floor to pour a glass of juice. I am going to stop running to put a dress on a doll. I am going to remember that for right now, my time is not really my own. I am going to cease living in another moment. I am going to make this my forever goal. I want to live with my children and my family in this moment, in today! I don't know what may try to distract me tomorrow or even in the next hour--as I'm sure that something will--but that is part of this thing called motherhood. I'm okay with it.
*quote by Oriah
