Stick With It! Be Faithful!

There is something to be said for faithfulness, isn't there?  It sure isn't always easy to remain faithful, but in due time we see how truly beneficial and right, faithfulness is.  "Stick with it--you'll get it!"  "If at first you don't succeed:  try, try again!"  "Practice makes perfect!"  All of these are common sayings that most of us have heard growing up.  In fact, as a mom, I've used these occasionally with my children.  Most often, I use these if I note any type of discouragement in my children about something complex they're trying to achieve or something new they're trying to learn.  We all need to be reminded to "stick with it" from time to time!


I could relay a thousand examples of times Ron or I have encouraged our children to keep working at something...to not give up.  I can look back and see how much progress has been made in certain areas.  I can also get a glimpse, so to speak, of the future in many of these same areas; I can see that progress and growth will undoubtedly continue.  


I think of my second grader who has made such progress on his reading.  He was behind when he tested at the end of last year.  I'm not positive that he's exactly where he is supposed to be, but I've seen leaps and bounds in his reading this year.  This definitely is not because I'm a fantastic home school teacher!  This is simply because he has been faithful to continue trying and I've remained faithful in reading with him daily (even when it was on the verge of being downright frustrating).  He continues to make progress.  More importantly, he is learning the value of faithfulness and a stick-with-it attitude!  


I think of my six year old and how he's become such a little builder and creator (much like his father and his older brother).  He used to get out his Lego sets and end up in tears or worse--complete meltdowns--because he couldn't figure them out on his own.  He wanted to tackle the projects, just as his brother was doing, but he definitely needed guidance and help.  We were continually encouraging him to take his time, ask for help, and keep trying.  "You'll get it," we would tell him.  He may have felt utter frustration at times, but he never stopped trying.  Just tonight, he came downstairs shortly before bedtime with a set of Lego's and stated that he was going to create this new Lego man out of this bag full of Lego's.  Darned if he didn't do it without fits!  He was creative and patient.  He has really come a long way!  We see a good deal of artistic and creative gifts in him, so it is delightful to see him making progress in this area.


I think about certain areas in my own life when faithfulness has been the only way, even when met with frustration, discouragement, or adversity.  I'm learning that God rewards faithfulness.  Again, this is not because we deserve any kind of pat on the back for a job well done.  This is simply because faithfulness is an attribute of God and when we learn to function in faithfulness, we are becoming more like Him, and He is pleased!  The reward may likely come in a renewed sense of hope in our own lives.


I had a moment in time recently when I realized that my faithfulness in a certain area--to something I believe very strongly that I am supposed to do--is getting ready to work on my behalf.  I have not done anything great.  I have only remained faithful to that which was mine to do.  I've remained faithful in the face of many doubts, questions, and some frustrations.  I have remained faithful because for quite a while that was absolutely the only thing that I knew to do.  Now, I am beginning to see a light!  I know beyond all doubts that I've faced, that this light is only here because of two reasons:  God is faithful and good, and I have learned to be faithful in this area.  There's a well-known Bible story of a servant who was given some responsibility and proved his faithfulness.  "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.  Enter into the joy of your master.' " (Matthew 25:23)  Oh, the joy!  I want to enter into the joy, don't you?  The joy of something great accomplished through God's divine help.  The joy of rest after completing your task.  The joy of the One who knows every side of the story...the One who wrote the story!  The complete joy of our master!  That's what I want.


We all have things over which we're called to be faithful.  Most of us have people whom we are called to be faithful with.  Our children, for example:  we must remain faithful to love, train, teach, pray for, encourage, spend time with, protect, and discipline them despite opposition or discouragement.  We should remain faithful to our spouse or others who God has given us to have relationship with--to walk through this life with.  It's necessary to remain faithful to other things that we may not love doing...or even like doing.  And always, we should be faithful to the things that are so deep on the inside of us that we know if we don't do them we won't fully live.  We all have things that resonate on the inside of us continually and won't let us go.  We all have passions! If they are God-given passions, we must remain faithful to them despite all odds!  They are there for a divine purpose.  If we do not remain faithful, we will not fulfill all that God desires for us to do.  I can't fulfill yours and you can't fulfill mine.  God has written a script on the inside of our hearts--each one of us--and it's ours to live!  Be faithful!  Do not give up!  Stick with it!

My Lifeline

There is one verse that I find myself clinging to, time and time again:  "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up," Galatians 6:9.  This has been a lifeline to me in so many different seasons of my life.  I find myself encouraging others with this verse too.  And, even my husband reminded me last night of this truth.

You see, I really enjoy doing good; doing good towards other people and demonstrating God's love in all ways that I see I can.  However, I have a tendency to lose heart.  I have a tendency to become weary.  In small ways and in big ways, I can become disheartened, impatient, or just plain weary.  I know full well that I am not alone, but most of us do not wish to admit this to our peers.  

Just this morning I had a very small experience that was a perfect opportunity for me to "not lose heart."  I drove to a local store with my daughters for some bagels and smoothies (we like to get smoothies when it's just us girls).  I approached the drive-thru lane and saw that many cars were ahead, although most were approaching the lane through an alternate route, as opposed to the correct drive-thru lane.  I've done this myself occasionally, but I wait my turn if others are in line the correct way.  Anyway, several cars were in front of me (the alternate way) but I would wait patiently.  Meanwhile, another car approached the drive-thru lane through the alternate route clearly several minutes after I'd sat in line.  I can't give you an accurate picture of the set-up, but without me gunning it when it was my turn, I stood no chance of getting in front of this car....approaching the wrong way!  To my amazement, the person driving this car refused to even look my way; he got right in front of me!  Now I would wait longer!  I really struggled not to feel angry.  Okay, scratch that....I felt angry!  I try to always let others in front of me in line, whether in car or on foot.  At the grocery store, if I see the person behind me has only a few items (or a baby with them), I give them my spot in line.  To my knowledge and best recollection, I always seek to prefer others above myself in these situations--common courtesy, right?  This morning's incident really amazed me!  How often I find that what I sow is not what I get in return!  

Again, I am well aware I'm not alone in these feelings.  I am human!  I have even found myself, at rare moments, feeling this way as a mom.  Yesterday was the first time I'd ever heard myself saying, in my children's hearing, "Why am I the only one who picks up around here?"  Now, this isn't even a true statement, but at times I sure do feel that way.  I'm also fully aware that if I'm feeling this way, it's my responsibility as a mom to revisit how much help I'm expecting from my children.  Maybe in the clean-up department...not enough!  Nevertheless, I have found myself at times feeling as though I am serving, serving, serving, yet no one is looking out for me!  Ever felt that way?

Another very personal example (let me once again be vulnerable) is in the area of talents, vision, and realized dreams.  I am so often the first to encourage others' dreams and goals.  I may not have much else to offer them, but I can be a friend's biggest cheerleader.  When a friend starts a small business or creative venture, I encourage and cheer her along as loudly as I can.  I find myself weeping with joy as I watch people I know open businesses, publish books, begin ministries, record music projects, buy homes, or land their dream jobs.  I rejoice with others who are realizing their dreams and potential!  I genuinely feel happy for them!  And, if I can offer any further support, I will.  I'm not saying any of this to my credit; I think we should all celebrate with others who do well!  

However, occasionally I find myself wondering when my moment or special opportunity will come.  Do you know what I mean?  My husband and I have been wanting to move now for 4 years.  4 years of praying, looking, preparing, waiting, sowing, praying, preparing, waiting, looking....and more praying and waiting!  I really don't want to lose heart!  I am genuinely happy for others who have their moment arrive.  But what about me?  I am often the first to purchase books written by people I know.  I cheer them on as best as I can.  I celebrate their wonderful accomplishments.  But, every now and then I find myself wondering when I will accomplish this particular dream myself.  I hesitate to admit that because what if it's years before this happens?  Does all of this make me sound like a whiny child?  It just may!  I find myself thinking, as I write this, that it sounds like the ramblings of a selfish, complaining individual.  Well, this is probably true also.  I am human.  Therefore, I fall short all too often!  All too often!  I focus on me way too many times!  I fall into the trap of comparison more times than I care to admit.  Maybe you're embarrassed for me as you read this.  Or...maybe you can relate.  

My guess--though I could be wrong--is that I am not alone in these feelings.  Maybe your situation isn't quite the same, but I think most of us have had times when we wonder if we will ever reap what we sow.  We celebrate with the accomplishments of others, only to question when we'll accomplish anything worth celebrating.  We do our best to be patient, wondering if it will ever truly pay off.  We diligently aim to raise our children with consistent expectations, love, and discipline, wondering if we'll ever get through an entire family gathering without an incident that highlights our obvious failures as parents.  Whether or not you care to admit ever being in this place, I believe it is human.  I also think that is why God's word tells us to "not become weary in doing good."  "We will reap a harvest if we do not give up!"  I believe this!  I cling to this promise and to this truth, which is why I said it has been a lifeline for me.  When I find that I'm tempted to give up, or when I realize that I have grown weary, I remind myself of this truth.  The other encouragement to me is that God sees!  He sees my heart and He sees my efforts.  He sees my weaknesses and He has given me the strengths that others may see.  I can take no credit.  Apart from Him, I am nothing!  And, if I never felt weak or weary, I would not likely look to Him for strength or encouragement.  I'm thankful for those times when I am growing weary or when I feel discouraged, because that is when I am reminded that only He can fill those deep voids.  Only He can offer me true, deep, and lasting strength and encouragement! 

My Blessing of Mercy

My little girl has seen me cry way too many times today.   Embarrassed to admit that.  It has been sort of an emotional roller coaster kind of day for me.  Partly mother nature's fault; partly a bit of discouraging (or at least unexpected) news; partly just the third day with Daddy out of town.  I was awakened in the middle of the night twice last night.  And, just when I finished home school reading with my boys today and thought, I can lie down on the couch for a few quiet minutes while the girls are still napping, guess who came down the stairs?  Yep, both of my cute little princesses!

I needed a bit of a break today, but that's not realistic right now.  And, I'm sure there are those of you who could do much better than me at this, or at least those who believe you can.  But, unless you have 4 children and home school 2 of them while your husband is out of town, with no family in town offering to help...you can't truly relate.  The truth is, I cannot truly or completely relate to another mom's situation or circumstances either!  And, I can usually handle my own circumstances just fine...usually!  Today, however, there were quite a few bouts of tears.  I can't always run away and hide when the faucets are turned on either.  If I could have, I would have!  I try to focus on the positive things; I was recounting everything for which I'm thankful.  But, the tears still came a few times.  And my sweet little Ella was a witness to them.

What amazes me about her is...  Wait a minute!  There's so much that amazes me about that girl!  She is so loving and tender-hearted, expressive, compassionate, and understanding.  Let me try to relay to you some of the sweet things she said to me today.  At one point, I walked downstairs after vacuuming and she had seen a few tears escape my eyes.  She followed me downstairs and asked, "Do you want to be alone when you are sad?"  I talked to her a little bit and although I said "yes, sometimes," she sat nearby--fully aware that her presence was helpful, despite my answer.  She gave me several hugs and kisses.  After dinner, she and I spent a while talking and I'm sure she could sense my feelings of disappointment in myself; I'm sure of this because of what she said to me.  Out of nowhere she told me (in my ear so softly), "I still love you mom."  More tears!  Then she said to me, "It's okay mom, we're still best friends."  She kept coming back in the kitchen while I was cleaning up after dinner to give me a hug, or tell me a story, or ask if I was okay.

I hope that you believe that I didn't want to allow my tears to be so visible.  I didn't want to appear like an emotional basket-case to any of my children today.  I want to be strong for them.  I want to maintain an atmosphere of joy and peace.  Not so sure that I came close to succeeding in any of that today.  In fact, I spent the better half of the day beating myself up for what felt to me like failing miserably as a mom. 

Here is the thing about moms that we cannot change no matter how badly we feel we should.  We are going to reveal who we are and what is really going on to our children when we would rather hide it.  Moms are visible to their children.  And I think that more times than not, no matter how much our children are ready to jump into Daddy's arms, they are acutely aware of what is going on with Mommy.  I know that I was as a child.  And I suppose it doesn't directly harm any of us to see another person sad, hurting, or struggling.  How else do we develop compassion?  So, as much as I truly wanted to hide those tears and put on a happy face, I didn't have one to put on...  I'm sure I will tomorrow!  But my little 4 year old has simply amazed me today!  She has blessed me more than I can explain.  So, as much as I have felt like an utter failure as a mom today, she has indirectly reminded me that I am not.  Somehow, I have had a hand (at least a small one) in helping this little girl begin to grow into who God intends for her to be.  We named her Ella because it is a derivative of "Eleanor" and means "mercy."  Wow!  She knows how to give that!  And the red hair she has is a dead give-away that I have had to extend mercy to her many times over also.  But, she has blessed me today more than words can tell. 

Extraordinary in the Midst of the Ordinary!

Many people around me have given voice lately to the idea of finding joy in the simple things.  I have also been reflecting on this.  In fact, I think I've decided that if my life as a wife and a mom had a title, it would be Finding the Magic in the Mundane.  Or, I could call it Enjoying the Every Day; The Sanctity in the Simple; Beautiful Moments in the Midst of the Busy.  Okay, you get the idea.  I could come up with quite a few catchy little phrases; that's because I really have made this my aim.  And, even when it hasn't been my aim, it has certainly been God's gift to me....over and over and over!  Maybe you can relate.

Several weekends ago, my husband and I took a weekend to go away and celebrate our 12 year anniversary.  This was so significant for us because not only do we rarely (and I mean rarely) get this kind of an opportunity, but we also find it difficult to have date nights.  We had the most wonderful weekend together.  God blessed us with gorgeous weather both days we were at the lake:  we took bike rides, enjoyed slow walks, ate good food, and had so much fun together.  It was everything it should have been and more!  I am truly blessed and thankful for our time away.

But here is what amazes me about life...and about God's love towards us.  The following weekend we headed to visit my family in Cincinnati.  It had been a few months since we had made the trip and we always enjoy the family time.  I brought my tennis shoes and necessary clothes for morning walks since I have made my physical health a priority.  That Saturday morning I headed outdoors for an early morning walk while the kids were spending time with their Daddy and Papa.  As I walked around my parents' neighborhood, I began noticing all of the trees and changing leaves.  I love fall; it's my favorite season!  The more I looked around, the more I noticed that it truly was the most perfect, crisp, pure, and absolutely beautiful fall day I'd ever seen!  The more I looked around, the more in awe I was!  I couldn't stop myself from smiling and before I knew it I was in tears.  Then, I couldn't stop myself from thanking God for his goodness and praising Him for His beauty! 

You must believe me when I say that my parents' neighborhood is certainly nice, but doesn't even compare in beauty to the gorgeous view of the lake we enjoyed the previous weekend.  And, as I shared earlier, I had the most wonderful time at the lake with my husband.  However, the thing about God is that He can show up so purposefully in our lives whenever and wherever He so chooses!  He can show up on a beautiful fall morning in an average suburban neighborhood and cause you to feel as if you are truly standing on holy ground!  He can do it for whomever He wants and however He sees fit.  I'm not sure if anyone else in that neighborhood experienced anything close to what I did that morning, but I was so moved by God's majesty!  I felt as if I had received a personal love letter from God!  Even  as I remember that morning walk I can still recall how I felt--and feel it all over again!  No one and nothing can ever take that experience away from me.  It was just a regular morning walk on an ordinary day....and it turned extraordinary without warning. 

I think this is what I am learning all the time.  Extraordinary moments can show up unexpectedly in our lives in the midst of ordinary events and circumstances!  The key, at least for me, is to acknowledge these moments and purpose to remember them.  We give these experiences life when we thank God for them and choose to acknowledge how special they are.  How amazing that we can build for ourselves a reservoir of spectacular and awe-inspiring memories to reflect on whenever we want!  Extraordinary in the midst of the ordinary!  Lord, help me to never take that for granted!

Committed

Admittedly I haven't wanted to write lately.  I have felt discouraged about something in my life.  Just yesterday I thought, more than once, I really wish that I had never started writing a blog in the first place.  You see, I feel a responsibility to this blog for several reasons, but whenever I am experiencing feelings of discouragement, I'd just as soon not write about much of anything.  I truly love to write, but I seldom feel that any words of wisdom should come from me.  In fact, I've never wanted to approach this blog as someone who has any advantage over anyone else; I simply want to share what I am learning.  But, herein lies my quandary:  when I am struggling to figure things out--really struggling--I don't believe my words can encourage anyone else.  Having said that, I am writing yet another blog out of a personal commitment to write that I made some time ago. 

You see, life may have a way of chewing you up and spitting you out, but nothing and no one can cause you to totally forsake your commitments.  You have control over that!  And sometimes, in the middle of keeping our commitments, we are personally impacted or touched in a way that really means something to us. 

I can identify a few areas where this has happened in my own life.  In March, I made a commitment to become physically healthy.  I began exercising regularly and I began changing some of my eating habits.  After two and a half months I saw no results.  I struggled with feelings of discouragement.  I was running 2-4 miles, five to six times a week.  I was really trying!  Yet, I had not lost one pound or one pant size.  I could have given up!  However, nothing more than my personal commitment to myself pushed me to keep trying.  Not long after this, I received some wonderful words of advice from a close friend (who also happens to be a personal trainer) and things began to change.  I approached exercise with some variety and began to see results.  Since June I have lost almost 30 pounds and I am feeling stronger and more healthy than ever before!  I remain personally committed to my physical health!

I am home schooling my sons this year for several reasons.  I home schooled my older son for his first grade year, last year.  Reading is a struggle for him.  The evaluation he had at the end of the year proved that he was behind where he should be.  Once again I felt discouraged.  I truly believed while entering this new school year that home school was the best decision for our family.  However, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I didn't have the ability to help Jaden improve his reading.  Some days nothing more than a commitment to do this has kept me going.  I can't say that I thoroughly love every moment of home schooling my boys; it's very busy and I also have to occupy my daughters and maintain my home.  But, little changes are taking place.  Jaden voluntarily picked a much more difficult chapter book to read recently (while I was ready to re-read an easier one).  I have to help him still quite a bit, but he's enjoying the book.  We read several pages today and he was more than okay with it; he wasn't begging to stop.  He has also taken the initiative to type stories on the computer, as well as deciding to type out all of his memory scriptures for church.  I'm not entirely sure that his reading has improved, but I do believe he is enjoying it more and is much more willing to approach it.  Might just be my opinion, but I think that enjoying to read is the start of becoming a great reader!

Today, while keeping my commitment to home school, I was personally touched by what I was reading.  I was reading a book to my sons about the life story of Hudson Taylor, an English man who became a Christian missionary to China.  We're not too far into the book but it has been interesting and an enlightening look at life in 19th century England.

Now, to understand why today's chapter meant so much to me, I'll need to confide some of my personal struggle.  I've been feeling discouraged about our finances.  We are a single income family by design, but it means a great deal of sacrifice, and often....frustration.  One thing my husband and I have always been committed to is our decision to give.  We have tithed faithfully to our local church throughout our entire marriage, even during the few occasions when my husband experienced lay-offs with his job.  In addition, we've regularly given charitably above and beyond our tithe and we bless others financially whenever we can.  We have committed to this and we will never stop.  However, sometimes our financial situation is a struggle--a frustration--and seems unlikely to improve.  Yet, we remain committed to bless as we have been blessed!

So today, as I struggled with some feelings of discouragement about this, we read a chapter that I think may have been written just for me!  In this chapter, Hudson Taylor's experience was in learning to trust God to be his provider despite contrary circumstances.  He worked for a Dr. Hardey, who was a good employer, but who often forgot to pay Hudson his wages on time.  Hudson felt that God was trying to teach him to trust in Him to be his source, therefore he decided not to remind his employer that his wages were due...or overdue.  Instead, he trusted God.  During this time, he had an opportunity to visit a poor family and pray for a dying mother of 6.  While he was praying for this woman, he felt impressed to give the family his very last coin, meaning he would surely have nothing to pay his rent.  He struggled with this, but he gave the family his money.  (I felt that I could relate as there have been several times when Ron and I have blessed others who were struggling while we ourselves were struggling to make ends meet.)  As Hudson walked this out in faith, he began to see God provide in miraculous and unexpected ways! 

I choked up as I read this chapter aloud to my boys, realizing that it was God's encouragement to me.  You see, Ron and I are steadfast in our commitment to prioritize our finances.  I wish I could write how everything has begun to turn around and head in a new direction for us.  I cannot write that at this time.  However, one thing I know is that God has always taken care of us and He always will!  I feel better remaining committed to this and trusting God to provide for us than in trying to trust sheerly in our own ability to provide.  We're not God and we don't know His ways!  But, just as God encouraged a young man in the 19th century to trust Him to provide all he needed, we will continue to trust that our God can supply all of our needs in the 21st century! 

What I can sum up from all of this is how important I feel it is to stay committed to our vows.  Whether it is our physical health, our children's education, our marriage, our finances, or developing a hobby or skill, there is something valuable that happens when we keep our commitments.  I wish I could say that I've always been committed and that I've never given up.  This is not so!  In fact, the desire to give up is sometimes present even when I want to be a faithful person.  But, I'm getting stronger every day.  So, I'm publishing this blog without any confirmation that it will encourage or help a single person who reads it.  Regardless, it is my personal commitment and I'm keeping it.   

One Tiny Victory

I had one of those personal success stories today, a tiny victory.  You know, when you actually put something into practice that you've reminded yourself of more times than you can count?  We had finished the bulk of our homeschool work and I desperately needed to get to the grocery store for some essentials.  My husband is out of town, so there haven't been any evenings when I could sneak out and grocery shop alone.  I told the kids to go to the bathroom, and put on their shoes and jackets; we had four errands on the agenda.  The boys said they were ready and headed out the back door (for just a quick minute) while I was putting on Tessa's shoes.  Once I was ready to leave, they both came running in saying they needed to go to the bathroom and change out of their backyard shoes.  Okay, thanks for listening the first time, is what I thought.

We quickly took care of our first three errands, and were on the way to the grocery store--not the most fun place in the world to take four kids, but we would survive.  As we turned down the street towards the grocery store it occurred to me that I had probably left my grocery list and my hefty envelope of coupons at home.  I reached down in my purse to double check, and sure enough, no list or coupons!  I was slightly irritated.  The first thought that entered my mind was:  Well boys, if you would have cooperated and did what I asked you to do instead of running outside, I wouldn't have been thrown off my game and I would've remembered my envelope on the counter!  Yep, I admit it!  That was the first thought that entered my mind as the irritation of forgetting something necessary swept over me.  We were already running errands too close to the lunchtime hour and I wondered how long my 2 year old would be agreeable.  I felt irritated that I had to turn around and return home before we shopped. 

I'm sure by now you're wondering what personal success I experienced in all this.  Well, although the first thought that entered my mind was a negative one--blaming my children--I did not speak this thought out loud.  In fact, in keeping my mouth shut, I quickly came to my senses.

Was forgetting my grocery list and coupons my children's fault?  Absolutely not!  Have I ever blamed my children, in my own mind or out loud, for something that was not their fault?  Yep!  I am willing to admit that I have, although I am not proud of this.  More times than not, I've had to apologize to my children and explain that "Mommy was just feeling frustrated."  Is that fair or okay?  No!  But, I am human and I struggle with my emotions from time to time.  Okay, maybe "from time to time" is generous, but that's not the point!  I sometimes struggle with wanting to place blame or point a finger--even if it's pointed at me.  I'm especially guilty of this when something inconvenient or frustrating catches me off guard.  Again, I'm not proud of this; it's an area of struggle for me. 

On this particular day, I started my morning with a devotion that reminded me of times like these.  No matter how big or small, when something happens that is frustrating or upsetting, our reaction is what really matters.  It can be unfruitful, at times, to ask Why?.  Moreover, it often does no good to voice frustrations that cannot be helped.  In my case today, it would have been upsetting, hurtful, and possibly harmful to give voice to my irrational accusations in the heat of the moment.  My children would have felt guilty and responsible for something that was never their responsibility--no matter how they behaved before we left the house.  (Not to mention, I certainly would not have been modeling any helpful coping skills for them.)

I was not thrilled to have to run errands with four children so close to the lunchtime hour.  I knew that I still had to hurry home, unload groceries, prepare lunch, and finish homeschooling my boys.  However, I am thankful we had a morning like that.  I'm glad that I forgot my list and my coupons.  I'm glad because it gave me the opportunity to experience one tiny victory:  I kept my mouth shut!  Maybe you can relate.  Maybe keeping your mouth shut is a tiny but significant victory for you--as it is for me!  Or maybe that isn't you at all.  Whatever your personal struggle, no matter how big or small, victory feels great!  Sometimes that's all we mama's need....one tiny victory!

Muddy Madness

Ever have a day when you feel like you've taught your kids nothing judging by the way they behave? Is it humorous that I'm even asking you that question--because you find yourself feeling that way more often than you'd care to admit?  I was there this morning!  Truthfully, I'm there more often than I want to admit.  So, at the risk of being considered an unfit mother, here goes my story!

Breakfast finished; girls upstairs to get some dolls; boys outside to play.  Probably not even 10 minutes later I head outside with my girls to push them on the swings.  On our way out I notice that the water hose is dripping.  I remind Luke not to turn it on without permission, to which he cheerfully replies, "Okay mom, I won't!"  (Good response, I think.)  Then as we head to the swing set, I look at my chaise lounge and notice that there are huge clumps of wet mud splattered all over it...ALL over it!  I am not happy!  I look at Jaden who smirks and quietly points to Luke.  Luke quickly explains, "That was a squirrel's mess!  A squirrel did that!"  Yeah, nice try!  Then I look at Jaden again and command, "You'd better start talking now and tell me the story."  Jaden continues smirking and says, "Luke did it."  (Obviously!)  Then I notice there are also clumps of mud splattered all over one of the swings.  I send the boys inside!

Now, I will not bore you with the details of their discipline, but I assure you that they were disciplined!  After their time of discipline was finished, I talked to both of them.  I talked to Luke first and he was well aware that he had acted wrongfully.  When I began to talk with Jaden I had every intention of reminding him that he was wrong because he didn't tell Luke to stop what he was doing and because he didn't come tell me.  So, I asked him "Now you do know why you were wrong, don't you?"  He replied, "Yes."  So I asked him, for the purpose of discussion, "Why were you wrong?"  His answer shocked me!  "Because I told him to do it."  Give me a stinkin break!  Are you kidding me?  My 8 year old told his brother to do such a thing?  These were my thoughts, though they may have been just a bit more colorful in my mind...  Now, insert the I have no idea if I've taught my children anything at all feelings.  Oh, and add to those the common mommy-comparison thoughts and feelings.  (Oh yes, guilty of those too!)  I'm sure so-and-so's kids would never ever do something like this.  Maybe some of you think I'm overreacting and that's fine.  I also imagine that poor, childish behavior--such as my boys' this morning--is more common than most of us mothers like to admit to each other! 

Now, on most given days I can think of a multitude of stories about my children that make me feel so proud of their character.  I love sharing those glowing stories.  I do not enjoy sharing the stories that reveal how they are still so lacking in judgment, decency (sometimes), and even common sense!  Come to think of it, they often remind me of some adults I know!  At some point, I will laugh at this situation, but this morning I was not happy and was certainly not laughing!  Later in the day, I heard a familiar song--the words seemed so fitting.

So I'll learn to love these days

Life along the way

In the middle of the crazy

God your love is so amazing

Through the ups and downs

You're the only hope I've found

Lord you meet me in the madness

I'll learn to love these days

And that is the truth of it, isn't it?  God is still so amazing and His love is unending!  Even in the mess and madness of my days, He loves me and He loves my kids.  Even when I question the ultimate success of my mothering (which by the way, I'm not supposed to judge...let alone judge by my children's behaviors), He's patient, gentle, and loving with me.  So..."I'll learn to love these days!" 

*lyrics by Mandisa